Date 20: Devontay - Miss, If I were a few years younger, you’d definitely get it’

Felt like we were playing lights out

Who set me up this time

After setting me up on a date with a gay man in date 17: Brendan, Amar insisted on setting me up again. Determined to pimp me out with a little more success this time, Amar said that he would try to set me up with someone who fits the characteristics described on the my type page.

What did I know about Devontay

Devontay’s mother is British born Jamaican. His Dad was French but sadly passed away before he was born. He grew up in Maidstone. He is significantly older than me (35). He is a web architect. He works at the UK & Ireland head office for one of the largest internet corporations in the world.

I am slightly wary about the age difference. I am quite a young goof and I’m certainly not looking to settle down anytime soon. Ideally, I’d be with someone in their mid 20s. Still, the blind date marathon was about open mindedness.

First Impressions

Devon approached me with a text “Hi Holly, Amar told me about your 20 dates challenge. He said that I should get in contact. Apparently I  am ‘an out of touch nerd’ and that is what you have been looking for in a man? Haha... I hope Amar is joking about that one or else you will be disappointed. I’m actually pretty cool. Still, it would be lovely to meet for dinner and I look forward to hearing from you.”

I am not looking for an out of touch nerd! I like men to be deeply intelligent, individualistically creative and to have well thought out opinions about culture and society. An ‘in-touch’ nerd.

We met at Shoreditch station. He gave me a big warm hello and I liked him straight away.

What Happened

We walked to a Chinese restaurant. We soared through normal small talk such as where we grew up, favourite films etc. Throughout this conversation I was continually made aware of our generational differences. E.g. when mobile phones launched as a household item, I was just starting secondary school whereas Devon had already graduated. This added an interesting dimension to our conversation but felt a little weird.

As we are both from mixed ethnic backgrounds we shared a lot of similar experiences. Many people struggle to get their heads round the very simple concept that one side of my family are white skinned and the other dark skinned. Also people can very rarely see you as coming from both backgrounds and nearly always feel the need to categorise you as one or the other. Sharing stories about this issue had us cracking up with laughter. Devon also shared the same dislike of being fancied because of his race. We had an engaging conversation about women who ‘go for blacks because they’re black’ (you know you are)! Devon told me, “I think it’s partially down to the whole black man, big cock stereotype. That stereotype really puts pressure on a man. Women always expect me to be well endowed but I’m actually a bit on the small side sadly”. He said this straight-faced and with a vulnerable expression on his face and I thought he was deadly serious. I felt compelled to give him some reassurance, “Oh... it doesn’t really matter that much”. Nooooo! That's such an embarrassing thing to say. He laughed in my face as of course he was just winding me up (he's black so he's bound to be huge).

We had a few interests in common. We were both childhood fans of The Hobbit and eagerly await the film. And we both love Mario Puzo’s The Godfather Trilogy (who doesn't). We share a love of Levi Roots reggae reggae products. Devon is also a Clark Kent character. Nerdy glasses by day, contacts and debauchery by night. And we are both family oriented. This made conversation very easy and enjoyable.

Devon loves festivals and is also a frequent visitor of Fringe. When I told him that I shy away from festivals because I don’t like the idea of the shared toilets and showers, he laughed at me once again. “You are no tom boy. You’re a right girly prissy girl!” he claimed. This wound me up!

Then Devon mentioned that he feels like he is getting a little too old for festivals now. And once again I was reminded of his senior age. When talking about families, Devon revealed that he has a twin sister and because of her friends he boasted that he has always had a string of female admirers around him. This might describe his ease and confidence around women. He also had a younger sister aged 23 who he helped raise. Actually, he said it was strange to be on a date with me because I’m only a little bit older than that little sister.

It was a strange coincidence that Devon had quite a bit in common with Date 10 - Martin. They were in a similar industry, they grew up in the same town and out of all my dates they were two of the best. I also quite liked Date 15 - James. There appears to be a bit of a theme here. Perhaps I secretly like computer geeks?

However I concluded that although plenty of people have successful and fulfilling relationships with big age gaps, Devon and I were at far too different stages in our lives to be compatible in the long term. Nonetheless, I thought that Devon and I understood each other quite well. Or to quote how Devon jokingly, and rather presumptuously, put it “if I were about 7 years younger you’d definitely get it”. I thought that Devon was well mannered, fun, interesting and conscientious. However, the fact that he is hoping for a wife and kids in the next 5 years makes us completely incompatible. I'm far too immature!

What other people have said

Sounds like a big age gap but you shouldn’t let that be the only thing in your way. That’s not the only thing though.

Would I see him again as friends

He has been in contact quite a bit. He is very flirty but within boundaries. It's possible that i would see him again but it's probably best left alone!

Would I go on a date with him again?
Best not
Would I recommend him to a friend? 

Yes

Date Planning 7

Rapport 8

Sweetness 9

Date 20 was the FINAL DATE in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my 19 other dates.

The Blind Date Email:

Contact Details

My Type

Wait a minute Kelyn, what are you doing?

My Relationship History: The Relationship Hopper, Sex Addict, and Weapon of Masturbation

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity
Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 


Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II
Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?


Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 
Martin’s Perspective
Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London

Date 17: Brendan - When A Man Out-Dresses You (and is gay)

 

Who set me up this time?

Amar

Amar is one of the funniest men I know. He has a dirty, camp sense of humour. He is shockingly blunt and knows his own mind very well! To be honest he is a stereotypical gay guy. Amar was very competitive when it came to choosing me a date. I was very eager to see who he came up with. However we have very different taste in men! I think Amar thinks that he knows better than I do when it comes to men.

What did I know about Brendan?

He went to a private school in Harrow. He has a degree in fashion from the University of Edinburgh and he works for a large designer label in ‘brand management’. He enjoys skiing in the Alps which is where Amar met him. According to Amar, Brendan is articulate, cultured and fun. He sounds smooth.

First Impressions

I was absolutely paranoid about what to wear on my fashion designer date! I like the clothes that I wear but I am not known for my style.  In the end I opted for a navy V neck dress from mango and camel shoes from moda in pelle. You can’t go wrong with something as simple and neat as that. Brendan turned up in powder blue trousers, brown shoes and a white slim fitting shirt. He had swept over Black hair and emerald eyes. He was a vision.

What Happened?

Brendan was taking me to see a street ballet performance at a community centre near Clapham. I had actually been to a street ballet show before so I vaguely knew what to expect. Still, I felt a lot of pressure on my date with Brendan. I guess I am more of a beer and comedy girl as Martin (date 10) so fortunately had guessed. On the other hand, I was really excited to do something a bit different to my norm.

The show was actually brilliant and I am so glad that Brendan took me. The scenery was stunning and the dancing impressive. 

Next we went to a bar. I don’t think that I felt very comfortable on this date. We had a good discussion about the show and a few other normal small talk topics of conversation. But for some reason I didn’t feel at ease. I felt self-conscious and as if our conversations were a bit awkward. This might have been my shyness coming out. Brendan is so handsome it’s intimidating. 

Also Brendan is fiercely ambitious and competitive. It was really interesting to listen about his career. He was discussing the major fashion weeks and how he gets to go to 3 of them a year but he doesn’t always get a good seat at the shows. Within the next 5 years he wants to be right up the front. He explained his methods for doing so were basically living and breathing fashion and networking as much as possible. I can imagine that Brendan is good at networking. He is a pretty impressive guy all round. As I am sure you can guess, Brendan name dropped a lot.

Fashion is an undoubtedly sexy subject and an important part of our culture but I don’t really know much about what goes on behind the scenes. If I were to sum up my time on our date it would simply be fascinating.  Overall, Brendan seemed like a nice guy. He is captivating. I was attracted to him physically. He was also very attentive. He tended to my every need at the Lebanese restaurant we were at. But I did not think our personalities clicked in the way that they should do if you want to go on a second date. If I am honest, Brendan came across as a bit of a social climber with a real hunger for power and success. This is great but I still think that I am suited to someone who is more chilled out. I am attracted to people who are intelligent and resourceful but also go about creating success in a more individualistic way – perhaps. Plus Brendan might judge me for my curry and bud lifestyle and my rain coat and earmuffs attire! TBF I guess I would be pretending if I said that I didn't care that much about fashion. 



Would I go out with him again?

I feel inclined to say yes because Brendan is interesting and a nice guy. On the grounds of us not having very much in common though, I think that it is more likely to be a no. 

What other people have said?

They don’t think we sound like a good match. Amar has called me an idiot and told me that I am just intimidated by Brendan. I obviously disagree. I can be shy but not so shy that I wouldn’t take the plunge if I thought someone was right for me!

UPDATE: My naughty friend Amar set me up with Brendan knowing that we were totally incompatible because Brendan is actually homosexual! Thanks Amar! He thought it would be funny. HAHA idiot. So this should really be called my date with a gay guy! If you want to read about the hetero man that Amar set me up with try date 20.

Would I recommend him to a friend?

Yes

Date planning 9

Rapport 6.5

Sweetness 6.5

This was date 17 in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my other dates.

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity

Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 

Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?

Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 
Martin’s Perspective

Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London

Date 12: Crow – The Chronic Bail

Who set me up this time

Alex

I met Alex through Kelly. They were at university together. The first conversation I ever had with Alex was about strap-ons. It was incredibly dodgy. Since then we have tried to improve our topics of conversations but we always drop back into low tones unfortunately. Alex is a fun and principled guy and a great friend.

What do I know about him

In Alex’s words Crow is definitely up for it. Literally just hours before I had sent my dating marathon request email I received a text from Crow. A bit keen I thought! He has recently moved homes so he is interested in meeting new people. Fair enough.

Alex warned me several times that Crow is not suited to me. I asked him why but all Alex was able to say is that ‘judging by the way he was with his last girlfriend you probably won’t get along. You guys are just different.’

First impressions

Crow got in contact by text message. Crow sounded like an interesting character. He was going to Belgium on business, he was playing in big football stadiums and going to various festivals. However, something about his style of writing lacked character. I thought his texts were sometimes too dry. Whenever I tried to add humour to the conversation he would always reply with something like this, ‘random lol.’ He was not the wittiest texter but he seems to lead a busy and fun-loving life so i wasn’t put off.

What happened

This ‘date’ was a non-starter really but I learnt so much about what I look for in a date that I could not leave it out.

Crow messaged me a few times but we had conflicting schedules. He kept in touch with the odd message about his new house, drunken evenings and sometimes just a simple ‘how are you?’ I have to give a bit of firm advice here. I don’t recommend texting anyone a message that merely says these three words: ‘how are you?’ This could possibly be interpreted as a friendIy way to start a text conversation but I think it is more likely to come across as if you have nothing interesting to say and that you are just contacting someone for attention. It might sound harsh but it is a fact that if you want to approach someone by text message it definitely helps to keep it interesting. Crow could really do with some tips from date10 Martin Fail or date6 Charles Train Wreck in this department. But if you are just not a texter then never fear. They don’t have to say much. It could have been: ‘hi, how is the dating going? Did you still want to meet up soon because I have a good idea of where to go.’  

Crow went on a couple dates with someone else so we stopped contact. 2 weeks later they had stopped seeing each other so it was on again! I was looking forward to meeting Crow. But he didn’t sound very together. Crow never came up with a plan. One of his texts said something like, ‘why don’t we just meet up and decide a plan from there? I know lots of places so should find something easily.’ I think that planning is key to a great first date. Like it or not, few women want to faff about with a man who didn’t come up with a plan.

I am not going to explain what happened next. I am just going to paste our text conversation and give you my opinion afterwards:

Crow (Tue): Sat evening is good with me, fingers crossed we can celebrate ur theory too x

Me (Fri 19:38): Hey, what did you wanna do tomorrow? I am pretty confident about my theory. X

Crow (Fri 20:54): Ah that’s cool. Good luck! I might not be free till 7 is that ok? We can go for drinks or a meal if you want? X

Me (Fri  20:37): Thanks. 7 sounds good for me too.

Crow (Fri 21:41): Cool, where do you wanna meet? X

Me (Fri 21:44): Anywhere that links to Kings Cross is good.

Crow (Sat 00:54): Let me see what lines r working in the morning r u sure that late is ok x

Me (Sat 00:57): It’s not that late? That’s when I get into London if I go after work sometimes. Looking forward to it. x

Crow (Sat 01:02): That’s cool then I just wanted to check! Might be easier if we meet round Piccadilly or Oxford Circus

Me (Sat 08:22): Hey are you defo going to be free from 7? I have a feeling you’re going to be hung over! Text me confirmation by 9.10 if you can! X

Crow (Sat 12:20): haha y that feeling? I’m just in Southend watching football game but can be there at 7, up to u if you want to make it tonight or another time, I hope ur theory went well x

Me (Sat 13:06): O yea passed with 100%. Only because you text me at 1am. Yes lets stick to the plans. I’ll be on oxford street at 6 to go shops. See ya around 7? X

Crow (Sat 15:03): awesome congrats, can we do tomo instead? I’m going to be so late back into London I think x

It might sound harsh but at this point I lost all remaining interest in Crow and decided to move on to the next date.

I believe that Crow had decided that our date was inconvenient by about Friday morning but didn’t have the balls to make a decision on that until about ....actually he never did make a decision. He tried to put me control the whole time by implicitly suggesting that I should call off the date. Man up in future crow! If you have to cancel then just do it and give as much notice as possible. If you feel bad for inconveniencing your date then simply apologise! Don’t be so passive or suggest that she needs to make the decision and don’t say that you can make a date when you blatantly know that you’re going to fail.

I had reserved my Saturday evening for him, bought a travel card into London and he was turning out to be a wiener of a let-down.

HOW TO CANCEL A DATE

 If you need to cancel because you have mismanaged your time or for any other reason simply say something like this:

“I am so sorry but I have to call tonight off. INSERT REASON. I hate to inconvenience you and still really want to meet up. I hope I can make it up to you soon and will be in touch.”

It might also help to give him/her a call.

 Even this message sounds rubbish but at least you’re being assertive, empathetic and honest. Don’t forget to GIVE AS MUCH NOTICE AS POSSIBLE. Even if you want to cancel but not rearrange for another time some manners and honesty will obviously help.

I still believe that Crow is a nice guy! From everything I know he seems quite fun but just not very reliable. When I told Alex about so-called date number 12 he laughed, “argh that is so typical. He is always bailing last minute even with his best friends”. A few months ago I read an article that suggested that every social group has a ‘chronic bailer’. This isn’t someone who says that they might not be able to make it and then doesn’t. This is someone who says they’re going to come and then bails out last minute. Everyone I have spoken to about this article has been able to relate to it.

I summarise the theories they gave for chronic bailers:

1)      The bailer knows that they can’t come but they are frightened of being rejected by the social circle so they say that they will come just to try and stay in the loop.

2)      The bailer is too passive to say no

3)      The bailer struggles to manage time

4)      The bailer is frightened of being lonely so they arrange more social engagements than they can manage to help ensure they are not alone

5)      The bailer rejects the group last minute as a way to feel wanted or superior

6)      The bailer tries to play ‘hard to get’ to try and get people to like them

7)      The bailer is seeking social approval of someone outside the group and so last minute decides to stay with that person

8)      The bailer is too passive-aggressive to admit responsibility for letting down other members of the group

9)      The bailer is just over anxious or lazy

10)   The bailer is not empathetic enough to realise that they are inconveniencing others

All of the above traits are apparently linked to low self esteem, high anxiety and high need for social approval. I am not sure how much of this agree with. But I bet we can all apply some of them to our circle’s bailers!

Who is your chronic bailer? Everyone has one. Maybe Crow is Alex’s?

As always Crow is a friend of a friend and I think that he is probably a really nice guy. Evidently though we are not at all compatible. From date12 I realised that witty humour, assertiveness and time-keeping on a first date are really important to me.

Would I go out with him again?

We didn’t even manage it the first time. I don’t want to try dating him again!

I have actually met him at a get together that Alex hosted. He is actually a great guy who is nice to talk to and a laugh! He also looks weirdly like Chris Martin, but we are friends material for each other.

What do other people say?

Sounds like Crow is a ‘nice guy’ but he’s he doesn’t sound like a good date! Or in Alex’s words

“in my words you and Crow are not suited as Crow is quite a passive person and I believe you are more dynamic. I also think that apart from travelling you and Crow have nothing in common. I look forward to reading this one in particular”

Would I recommend him to a friend?

No

Date Planning  0

Rapport 5

Sweetness 4

This was date 12 in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my other dates.

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity

Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 

Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?

Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 
Martin’s Perspective

Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London

Date 10: Martins Retaliation!!!

I had to edit out names and one line that contained a few personal details about someone else! I put illustrations in for fun. Otherwise it's all Martin! Happy reading.
  LagerBlush


Blind date marathon – A different perspective
By Martin (Date 10)

I'm sure a fair percentage of you reading this are in the same position as me... you were one of the guys taking part in the dating marathon. And if you're like me you will have gone through the same process of thinking through the date and trying to foresee how lagerblush was going to blog about you. In doing so I found that I pretty much had a blog post of my own formulated in my head, so why not put it down on paper? lagerblush's a fun girl so I'm sure she'd be entertained by the opposite perspective, who knows she might even publish it if I'm not to scathing about her... just kidding... I'll be very scathing.

First of all let me say that I haven't read her blog post about me yet, that would be unfair, and would probably end up being coloured by me trying to justify any criticism she may have of our date. I have however read all the blog up to guy number 5, so I'll try to keep to a similar format.

A bit about me, my thoughts on dating in general and my connection to lagerblush. I'm not going to describe myself in much detail (I'm sure lagerblush will do a much better, more entertaining job of that), but I will say that I'm pretty laid back, friendly and I enjoy meeting new people (I'm guessing blind dates would be pretty daunting if you didn't). I've been single or practically single for most of my 20s, and as such I've had my fair share of dates. In fact I've been on so many I have a bit of a reputation for it... not THAT kind of reputation, but sometimes I think people misconstrue it as that. I rarely meet girls I end up falling for, and when I do they're mainly friends of friends whom I get to know by seeing at various social occasions. Falling for a girl after dating is even rarer, whether it be a blind date, after meeting in a bar or an … ahem... internet date. Although it has happened to me once.

Anyway, my connection to lagerblush is her school friend Rhona. It would be worth mentioning at this point that the date wasn't the first time I met lagerblush. Rhona made a half hearted attempt to set us up before as she told Dom (my brother) that lagerblush had seen a picture of me on Facebook and thought I wasn't too bad looking – or something along those lines. Nothing really came of it at the time, although Rhona did introduce us at her birthday with the ever so tactful, slightly drunken line of “This is my friend. She wants to sleep with you”. Unsurprisingly, lagerblush looked pretty embarrassed, a little bit shocked, said nothing and walked off, which I was pretty happy with at the time as I would have found it hard to save that situation from the inevitable awkwardness. In fact I'm quite surprised I was Rhona's choice – she and I have had a rather tempestuous relationship after I tried to convince my mum that Dominic was in fact gay and was going out with a man named Rhonan.

 

About the date

I have a fairly standard formula for how the first three dates with a girl should go. Date 1 is drinks, nothing more, date 2 is an activity and drinks (e.g. a gallery, museum, comedy, gig, etc etc), date 3 is potentially a meal and drinks. But as I felt I was in some way competing with another 19 guys, I thought I'd better step it up a little on date 1. The plan was this: Meet up in Soho for some Mexican fast food at Chipotle, then on to some comedy at the Soho theatre, then drinks somewhere in Soho.

I'll admit at this point that comedy on a date is cheating a bit. The thing is no matter how badly you perform on a date yourself, hopefully your date will remember having a good time and laughing a lot if the comedy is half decent – score.

So we agreed to meet at 730, but I got a text from lagerblush around 710 saying she was there already if I could make it any earlier. Now, if I was a true gentleman I would have rushed right over and got there maybe 5 minutes earlier than agreed. However I was in a pub with some work friends supping on ¾ of a pint while they gently ribbed me about my upcoming date, and gave me a few tips. I decided to finish my pint. I turned up about 5 minutes late after getting completely soaked in a rainstorm. Not the best start.

I looked around the pub hoping I'd recognise her. It's a weird quirk of mine that whenever I go on a date, and I mean literally every time, with a girl I've only met briefly before I have this paranoia that I'm not going to recognise them, and that I'm going to go up to another girl thinking it's them whilst they look on wondering what the fuck I'm doing. I secretly suspect that everyone has this paranoia? No? Just me then.

I eventually find her by a pillar and I'm pleasantly surprised. That sounds bad. Really what I mean is I'd met her before and seen photos from Facebook (thanks Dom/Rhona), and I found her attractive, but they didn't do her justice. To put it bluntly and kind of rhyme a little bit (sorry – this is tragic), She is a hottie... maybe I should have turned up on time. I was also suddenly felt very conscious that I was soaked and my hair was hanging in rat tails over my face.

 

It transpires that while lagerblush was waiting patiently at a pub near Chipotle for me she had a couple of drinks... of the non-alcoholic, but rather caffeinated variety – Redbull. I don't know about you, but caffeine makes me edgy. And Redbull frankly makes me go loopy – I mean 15 year old drunken antics loopy. The last time I had too much vodka Redbull I rugby tackled my friend to the floor whilst he was chatting up a girl and licked his face. Not the best next morning, hung over memory!

Anyway we had a drink in the pub whilst we waited for the rain to subside, and chatted quite amiably, mainly about travelling if I remember correctly. The typical kind of conversation you engage in on a date before you settle down into a rapport with someone. Now, as we moved onto the Mexican place I noticed lagerblush had a habit of doing something … not annoying, but rather disruptive to conversation. In the middle of a couple of stories I was telling she interrupted me halfway through and completely changed the subject. It was to the extent that it left my half story hanging in the air like some mangled cat after being hit by a car which I felt like I had to rescue by changing the topic back to my story (that reminds me of a mangled cat story – but that's for another time). I would probably have been better putting it out of it's misery as I'm sure me changing the subject back to my story sounded like I wasn't interested in what she was saying either. Not good and both of our faults. The way I see it was that it could have been down to 3 things: either the caffeine was making lagerblush edgy, she was nervous and trying to think of entertaining stories to tell me and hence not to listening to mine, or I was nervous and was coming up with story after story not letting her get a word in unless she interrupted me.

 

Another thing I noticed was that lagerblush kept starting to talk about drunken stories, but would then stop herself, and would refuse to tell me the rest of it. Kind of like someone telling you they have a really interesting secret but that they're not allowed to tell you. Not frustraing at all! Judging by her earlier blog posts that was a conscious effort. I have to disagree on lagerblush's rule here, I think on a first date you should just be yourself and tell self deprecating stories to show that you can laugh at yourself, and that you're confident enough to have your date judge you for themselves. But maybe I'm too honest.

The Mexican fast food was more of a success. I actually really like this set up for a first date, an informal fun setting, sitting at a high table with stools and just a quick burrito or taco and beer before heading somewhere else. Although I have to say at this point, I think 2 of lagerblush's dating tips may well have applied to me here. Don't brag and don't demean your date's job... Guilty.

The thing is I love my job. It's stupidly good, and I'm incredibly incredibly lucky to have it. When people ask me about it I tell them about it enthusiastically and I'm sure more often than not I spill over into bragging. Don't get me wrong I don't talk about money, that's not why I love my job and I would never do that, but I do get some pretty ridiculous perks, and that's where I need to shut my mouth from time to time. I also think I took the piss a bit for lagerblush working for a large retail company, this is mainly because I worked at this large retail company as a software consultant and hated it. And, let's be honest, because large retailers are evil and trying to take over the world.

After the Mexican we headed to the Soho theatre for the comedy. At the bar we ordered more drinks and while I had a beer lagerblush wanted a coke. I have to admit I was a bit taken aback by switching back to soft drinks (also – caffeine again? Really?), it's kind of a sign to me that the girl is giving up on a date and thinking about waking up without a hangover in the morning. Anyway, the comedian, Sam Simmons, was fairly good but a bit hit and miss, a bit like an Australian Noel Fielding that didn't quite get it quite right.

  

We then tried to find a bar to have another drink or two. This was a mistake on my part. I should have had a plan. I was kind of relying on lagerblush at this point as in a previous text she mentioned that she knew Soho really well, and I was hoping that she'd just say “I know this amazing bar around the corner – lets go there”. So we did the thing that everyone hates doing on a night out – wandering the streets of Soho trying to find a half decent place to have a drink that fills the following criteria: quiet enough to talk, loud enough to have an atmosphere, trendy enough to be suitable for a date, not a gay bar (we were in Soho after all. Having said that, I have ended up in a gay bar on a date with a girl in the past). So we eventually found somewhere fairly average had some cocktails and some more not quite relaxed chat.

Lagerblush produced a dress and asked “What would you have said if I'd have turned up in this?” I complete missed the fact that it was a rather revealing dress and that it was an attempt to start a bit of flirting I probably said something like “er... I dunno, nice dress?” Good work Martin – flirting FAIL. What she was getting at was the wholly inappropriate nature of turning up in a “slightly slutty” dress (lagerblush's words) on a first date and seeing how I'd react. I rate this type of banter. I like it when someone is willing to make a fool of themselves to see how people will react. I really hope she does this on another of her 20 dates and blogs about it!

We finished our drinks and headed to the tube. Now this is where another of my dating theories comes into play. I will always try for a kiss on a first date if I find the girl attractive. It's a way of knowing whether she enjoyed your company or not. Not to sound too much like Cher, but you can tell a lot from a kiss. Anyway as we said goodbye there's that usual bit where you either go in for the kiss or a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Now I hadn't really had any strong signals from lagerblush, it was a bit of an odd date, we hadn't really developed a rapport, but she had stayed out later than she should so she must have been enjoying it a bit? Surely? So my tactic here was this. Go in for a kiss but be ambiguous about it. Don't go for the cheek, don't go for the lips, but somewhere in between. The idea being that she'd either give me a proper kiss or give me the cheek. I thought at the time this was ingenious. Fool proof. Either it would be a comfortable kiss on the cheek or I'd get a proper kiss. Win-win, no risk of embarrassment or awkwardness. WRONG! The result of me doing this was that lagerblush ended up with the same panicked look on her face as when Rhona first introduced us and I had to dive for the cheek myself. Smooth Martin, smooth.

In conclusion, the overriding feeling I got from the date is that we didn't really get to know each other, which is kind of the point of a date so I guess we failed in that respect. However, something gave me the impression that we would get on pretty well once we did get to know each other.

Would I go out with her again?

I would, because we didn't really break the ice, and I think we'd have fun once we did, but I think it's more likely we'll get to know each other at social occasions like Rhonan's inevitable welcome back drinks.


This was Martin's version of our date (date 10 in my dating marathon). To Read my version of our date or to read about other dates in my dating marathon, click on the links below.

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity

Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 

Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?

Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 
Martin’s Perspective

Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London