I wrote this in August and added to it recently
Through my mistakes and my dates' mistakes, I have learnt a few dos and don'ts of first dates. I want to share them with you. Obviously this is just my opinion!
69 Top Rules for First Dates:
Rule 1: PLAN the evening. Know the route and even have a backup plan.
Rule 2: Do not turn up with a hangover. If you are hungover either cancel and make sure that you make it up to them or brave it and so not tell your date.
Rule 3: DO NOT talk about your exes. If you can’t help it because something about her/him comes up in conversation refer to them as “the girl/guy that I was seeing at the time...”
Rule 4: Do not drink too much.
Rule 5: Do not walk into the wrong sex toilet.
Rule 6: DO NOT RANT! It’s OK to talk about politics but it is best to keep it light hearted or matter of fact, do not get opinionated, especially if you are drunk.
Rule 7: Do not complain about the people
Rule 8: Do not bring up too many drunken stories.
Rule 9: Do not quiz the other person about their past relationships.
Rule 10: Do not complain about a social group such as 'teenagers, ethnic or class populations'. Even if you do not mean to make generalisations. It might make you seem a little narrow minded.
Rule 11: Do not forget to bring cash out.
Rule 12: Do not choose an outfit or get ready last minute. It’s always good to have a back up outfit just in case you get play doh on your first choice of outfit.
Rule 13: If you have the sniffles, bring tissues. Do not put tissues on table.
Rule 14: Be polite to waiters and waitresses
Rule 15: Do not make your date feel like they are in an interview.
Rule 16: Do initiate hellos. A little hug and peck on cheek is best. Two is alright just make sure you indicate this. You don’t want to wave your face in the air like a fool.
Rule 17: If its a blind date, do initiate a goodbye little hug and a peck on the cheek again. On a dating marathon I doubt it’s a good idea to try for more than a cheek peck. Snogging 20 guys would be a little slaggy so bear that in mind.
Rule 18: Make jokes. But only funny ones
Rule 19: If your date has a long journey home in the dark, text to see if she got home ok and say night. Don’t do this if she lives locally or if it’s still daylight. Then you'll just come across as a grandpa.
Rule 20: Don’t make fun of your date’s job. If they have a rubbish or socially undesirable job, the chances are that they don’t want reminding.
Rule 21: no bragging
Rule 22: do not ask why your date is single
Rule 23: Dont try and scare them off. Just be honest if you are not interested in them by saying you don’t feel compatible.
Rule 24: do not mention your weight or that you're on a diet
Rule 25: if you are sick you should probably cancel your date. Especially if you are contagious or if you have lost your voice. It's best to call (or text if you have no voice) and explain that you'll make it up to them.
Rule 26: try and speak the same language as your date.
Rule 27: If there is a deluge or enormous storm outside and you're sick, and you dont think your date will mind, consider postponing the evening.
Rule 28: Do not keep asking your date what they want to do! Do not put them in the drivers seat too much. You want to hear their opinion but you should have one of your own. The best balance is to make a suggestion e.g. 'I love thai food. would you like to go here?'
Rule 29: Do not admit to strange sex tactics.
Rule 30: a cheap and thoughtful gift is a sweet touch
Rule 31: Do not be overly cynical about consumerism and popular culture. Unless your date also totally rejects the culture and community we live in
Rule 32: Don't over-dose on caffeine.
Rule 33: Leave enough time to easily get home safe!
Rule 34: Don't continuously interrupt your date. They might think that you're not really listening or you're not interested.
Rule 35: Don't be a hypocrite
Rule 36: Don't wave embarrassing items from your handbag such as sanitary towels in your dates face.
Rule 37: For a first date it is best to meet somewhere neutral rather than someones house. Rule 38: If you need to cancel then just be honest about this. Give as much notice as possible, apologise for the inconvenience and if you want to see them again then make sure you make it up to them.
Rule 39: Do not text messages that merely say 'how are you?' This might make you come across as a bit boring, lonely or both!
Rule 40: No name dropping
Rule 41: Be reliable and on-time
Rule 42: If your date is late because something bad or unexpected happened then empathise with them
Rule 43: Think about it before using a voucher or discount on a date. I personally think that's a savvy way of making your money go further but it needs to be done in a way that demonstrates your thought and savvy-ness and doesn't make you look stingy. Like say 'why don't we go here. They're doing a great promotion on tastecard and the service is really good.'
Rule 44: Listen to what your pre-date says to you and try and come up with something that shows you've really listened. E.g. the pop-tarts that Brett got me
Rule 45: Don't lecture your date
Date 46: Don’t try and explain your whole dating philosophy or strategy on a first date but maybe hint at what’s to come if you keep seeing each other
Rule 47: Don’t talk about yourself all night.
Rule 48: Try not to come across as an aggressive social climber.
Rule 49: Don’t slag off women or men
Rule 50: Don't say that you never want to be in a relationship ever again
Rule 51: Don't say something really matter-of-fact when you actually don’t know what you are talking about. Instead say “I think...”
Rule 52: Don’t have a pop at your date because you think they are ‘more educated’ or ‘more privileged’ than you.
Rule 53: Don’t ask too much about what your date thinks of relationships, how they’d define a relationship, what they are looking for etc on a first date. It’s usually a bit too heavy.
Rule 54: Don’t assume to much about your date’s class or background. E.g. don’t say stuff like ‘middle class people like us...” or “Well I doubt that you get many council estates in your area but...”
Rule 55: Try not to make culturally ignorant remarks.
Rule 56: Don’t go on about how you feel about being single
Rule 57: You can say that you don’t meet people often that you feel a spark with but don’t say that you are closed off to dating. It puts a downer on the evening
Rule 58: Don’t whine or moan about relationships
Rule 59: Don't talk about periods.
Rule 60: Try and enjoy your date as much as possible from beginning to end.
Rule 61: Be flirty if you are attracted to them. But do not act sleazy as if your date is a booty call (unless she is). Always keep within the boundaries of making sure your date feels comfortable.
Rule 62: If you treat your date (I suggest that you do), it should feel like your pleasure not your obligation. Don't assume that they don’t appreciate you paying.
Rule 63: Don't throw an alcoholic shot in your dates eye
Rule 64: Try not to let your friends set you up with a gay guy (unless you too are a gay guy) for a piss take
Rule 65: Give your date an indication of how formal/informal the location of the date will be so that they know how to dress
Rule 66: Try not to talk too much about your previous conquests
Rule 67: Don't start moaning about consumerism and fairtrade while you're wearing nikes and snorting coke
Rule 68: Have a few back up comments or questions saved for awkward silences, but don't feel like there needs to be non-stop chatter
Rule 69: If you don't like them, then don't see them again and be honest about it but in a kind way
Rule 2: Do not turn up with a hangover. If you are hungover either cancel and make sure that you make it up to them or brave it and so not tell your date.
Rule 3: DO NOT talk about your exes. If you can’t help it because something about her/him comes up in conversation refer to them as “the girl/guy that I was seeing at the time...”
Rule 4: Do not drink too much.
Rule 5: Do not walk into the wrong sex toilet.
Rule 6: DO NOT RANT! It’s OK to talk about politics but it is best to keep it light hearted or matter of fact, do not get opinionated, especially if you are drunk.
Rule 7: Do not complain about the people
Rule 8: Do not bring up too many drunken stories.
Rule 9: Do not quiz the other person about their past relationships.
Rule 10: Do not complain about a social group such as 'teenagers, ethnic or class populations'. Even if you do not mean to make generalisations. It might make you seem a little narrow minded.
Rule 11: Do not forget to bring cash out.
Rule 12: Do not choose an outfit or get ready last minute. It’s always good to have a back up outfit just in case you get play doh on your first choice of outfit.
Rule 13: If you have the sniffles, bring tissues. Do not put tissues on table.
Rule 14: Be polite to waiters and waitresses
Rule 15: Do not make your date feel like they are in an interview.
Rule 16: Do initiate hellos. A little hug and peck on cheek is best. Two is alright just make sure you indicate this. You don’t want to wave your face in the air like a fool.
Rule 17: If its a blind date, do initiate a goodbye little hug and a peck on the cheek again. On a dating marathon I doubt it’s a good idea to try for more than a cheek peck. Snogging 20 guys would be a little slaggy so bear that in mind.
Rule 18: Make jokes. But only funny ones
Rule 19: If your date has a long journey home in the dark, text to see if she got home ok and say night. Don’t do this if she lives locally or if it’s still daylight. Then you'll just come across as a grandpa.
Rule 20: Don’t make fun of your date’s job. If they have a rubbish or socially undesirable job, the chances are that they don’t want reminding.
Rule 21: no bragging
Rule 22: do not ask why your date is single
Rule 23: Dont try and scare them off. Just be honest if you are not interested in them by saying you don’t feel compatible.
Rule 24: do not mention your weight or that you're on a diet
Rule 25: if you are sick you should probably cancel your date. Especially if you are contagious or if you have lost your voice. It's best to call (or text if you have no voice) and explain that you'll make it up to them.
Rule 26: try and speak the same language as your date.
Rule 27: If there is a deluge or enormous storm outside and you're sick, and you dont think your date will mind, consider postponing the evening.
Rule 28: Do not keep asking your date what they want to do! Do not put them in the drivers seat too much. You want to hear their opinion but you should have one of your own. The best balance is to make a suggestion e.g. 'I love thai food. would you like to go here?'
Rule 29: Do not admit to strange sex tactics.
Rule 30: a cheap and thoughtful gift is a sweet touch
Rule 31: Do not be overly cynical about consumerism and popular culture. Unless your date also totally rejects the culture and community we live in
Rule 32: Don't over-dose on caffeine.
Rule 33: Leave enough time to easily get home safe!
Rule 34: Don't continuously interrupt your date. They might think that you're not really listening or you're not interested.
Rule 35: Don't be a hypocrite
Rule 36: Don't wave embarrassing items from your handbag such as sanitary towels in your dates face.
Rule 37: For a first date it is best to meet somewhere neutral rather than someones house. Rule 38: If you need to cancel then just be honest about this. Give as much notice as possible, apologise for the inconvenience and if you want to see them again then make sure you make it up to them.
Rule 39: Do not text messages that merely say 'how are you?' This might make you come across as a bit boring, lonely or both!
Rule 40: No name dropping
Rule 41: Be reliable and on-time
Rule 42: If your date is late because something bad or unexpected happened then empathise with them
Rule 43: Think about it before using a voucher or discount on a date. I personally think that's a savvy way of making your money go further but it needs to be done in a way that demonstrates your thought and savvy-ness and doesn't make you look stingy. Like say 'why don't we go here. They're doing a great promotion on tastecard and the service is really good.'
Rule 44: Listen to what your pre-date says to you and try and come up with something that shows you've really listened. E.g. the pop-tarts that Brett got me
Rule 45: Don't lecture your date
Date 46: Don’t try and explain your whole dating philosophy or strategy on a first date but maybe hint at what’s to come if you keep seeing each other
Rule 47: Don’t talk about yourself all night.
Rule 48: Try not to come across as an aggressive social climber.
Rule 49: Don’t slag off women or men
Rule 50: Don't say that you never want to be in a relationship ever again
Rule 51: Don't say something really matter-of-fact when you actually don’t know what you are talking about. Instead say “I think...”
Rule 52: Don’t have a pop at your date because you think they are ‘more educated’ or ‘more privileged’ than you.
Rule 53: Don’t ask too much about what your date thinks of relationships, how they’d define a relationship, what they are looking for etc on a first date. It’s usually a bit too heavy.
Rule 54: Don’t assume to much about your date’s class or background. E.g. don’t say stuff like ‘middle class people like us...” or “Well I doubt that you get many council estates in your area but...”
Rule 55: Try not to make culturally ignorant remarks.
Rule 56: Don’t go on about how you feel about being single
Rule 57: You can say that you don’t meet people often that you feel a spark with but don’t say that you are closed off to dating. It puts a downer on the evening
Rule 58: Don’t whine or moan about relationships
Rule 59: Don't talk about periods.
Rule 60: Try and enjoy your date as much as possible from beginning to end.
Rule 61: Be flirty if you are attracted to them. But do not act sleazy as if your date is a booty call (unless she is). Always keep within the boundaries of making sure your date feels comfortable.
Rule 62: If you treat your date (I suggest that you do), it should feel like your pleasure not your obligation. Don't assume that they don’t appreciate you paying.
Rule 63: Don't throw an alcoholic shot in your dates eye
Rule 64: Try not to let your friends set you up with a gay guy (unless you too are a gay guy) for a piss take
Rule 65: Give your date an indication of how formal/informal the location of the date will be so that they know how to dress
Rule 66: Try not to talk too much about your previous conquests
Rule 67: Don't start moaning about consumerism and fairtrade while you're wearing nikes and snorting coke
Rule 68: Have a few back up comments or questions saved for awkward silences, but don't feel like there needs to be non-stop chatter
Rule 69: If you don't like them, then don't see them again and be honest about it but in a kind way
My Dating Marathon:
The Blind Date Email:
My Relationship History: The Relationship Hopper, Sex Addict, and Weapon of Masturbation
Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity
Date 2: Seb – A man in tights
Date 3: Alan - the softy
Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian
Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex
Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II
Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?
Date 7: Nick the Greek
Date 8: Brett – Poptart
Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics
Date 10: Martin – FAIL
Martin’s Perspective
Date 11: Daniel – DILF
Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent
Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?
Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call
Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You
Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon
Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand
Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...
My Relationship History: The Relationship Hopper, Sex Addict, and Weapon of Masturbation
Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity
Date 2: Seb – A man in tights
Date 3: Alan - the softy
Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian
Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex
Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II
Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?
Date 7: Nick the Greek
Date 8: Brett – Poptart
Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics
Date 10: Martin – FAIL
Martin’s Perspective
Date 11: Daniel – DILF
Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent
Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?
Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call
Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You
Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon
Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand
Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...
