Date 20: Devontay - Miss, If I were a few years younger, you’d definitely get it’

Felt like we were playing lights out

Who set me up this time

After setting me up on a date with a gay man in date 17: Brendan, Amar insisted on setting me up again. Determined to pimp me out with a little more success this time, Amar said that he would try to set me up with someone who fits the characteristics described on the my type page.

What did I know about Devontay

Devontay’s mother is British born Jamaican. His Dad was French but sadly passed away before he was born. He grew up in Maidstone. He is significantly older than me (35). He is a web architect. He works at the UK & Ireland head office for one of the largest internet corporations in the world.

I am slightly wary about the age difference. I am quite a young goof and I’m certainly not looking to settle down anytime soon. Ideally, I’d be with someone in their mid 20s. Still, the blind date marathon was about open mindedness.

First Impressions

Devon approached me with a text “Hi Holly, Amar told me about your 20 dates challenge. He said that I should get in contact. Apparently I  am ‘an out of touch nerd’ and that is what you have been looking for in a man? Haha... I hope Amar is joking about that one or else you will be disappointed. I’m actually pretty cool. Still, it would be lovely to meet for dinner and I look forward to hearing from you.”

I am not looking for an out of touch nerd! I like men to be deeply intelligent, individualistically creative and to have well thought out opinions about culture and society. An ‘in-touch’ nerd.

We met at Shoreditch station. He gave me a big warm hello and I liked him straight away.

What Happened

We walked to a Chinese restaurant. We soared through normal small talk such as where we grew up, favourite films etc. Throughout this conversation I was continually made aware of our generational differences. E.g. when mobile phones launched as a household item, I was just starting secondary school whereas Devon had already graduated. This added an interesting dimension to our conversation but felt a little weird.

As we are both from mixed ethnic backgrounds we shared a lot of similar experiences. Many people struggle to get their heads round the very simple concept that one side of my family are white skinned and the other dark skinned. Also people can very rarely see you as coming from both backgrounds and nearly always feel the need to categorise you as one or the other. Sharing stories about this issue had us cracking up with laughter. Devon also shared the same dislike of being fancied because of his race. We had an engaging conversation about women who ‘go for blacks because they’re black’ (you know you are)! Devon told me, “I think it’s partially down to the whole black man, big cock stereotype. That stereotype really puts pressure on a man. Women always expect me to be well endowed but I’m actually a bit on the small side sadly”. He said this straight-faced and with a vulnerable expression on his face and I thought he was deadly serious. I felt compelled to give him some reassurance, “Oh... it doesn’t really matter that much”. Nooooo! That's such an embarrassing thing to say. He laughed in my face as of course he was just winding me up (he's black so he's bound to be huge).

We had a few interests in common. We were both childhood fans of The Hobbit and eagerly await the film. And we both love Mario Puzo’s The Godfather Trilogy (who doesn't). We share a love of Levi Roots reggae reggae products. Devon is also a Clark Kent character. Nerdy glasses by day, contacts and debauchery by night. And we are both family oriented. This made conversation very easy and enjoyable.

Devon loves festivals and is also a frequent visitor of Fringe. When I told him that I shy away from festivals because I don’t like the idea of the shared toilets and showers, he laughed at me once again. “You are no tom boy. You’re a right girly prissy girl!” he claimed. This wound me up!

Then Devon mentioned that he feels like he is getting a little too old for festivals now. And once again I was reminded of his senior age. When talking about families, Devon revealed that he has a twin sister and because of her friends he boasted that he has always had a string of female admirers around him. This might describe his ease and confidence around women. He also had a younger sister aged 23 who he helped raise. Actually, he said it was strange to be on a date with me because I’m only a little bit older than that little sister.

It was a strange coincidence that Devon had quite a bit in common with Date 10 - Martin. They were in a similar industry, they grew up in the same town and out of all my dates they were two of the best. I also quite liked Date 15 - James. There appears to be a bit of a theme here. Perhaps I secretly like computer geeks?

However I concluded that although plenty of people have successful and fulfilling relationships with big age gaps, Devon and I were at far too different stages in our lives to be compatible in the long term. Nonetheless, I thought that Devon and I understood each other quite well. Or to quote how Devon jokingly, and rather presumptuously, put it “if I were about 7 years younger you’d definitely get it”. I thought that Devon was well mannered, fun, interesting and conscientious. However, the fact that he is hoping for a wife and kids in the next 5 years makes us completely incompatible. I'm far too immature!

What other people have said

Sounds like a big age gap but you shouldn’t let that be the only thing in your way. That’s not the only thing though.

Would I see him again as friends

He has been in contact quite a bit. He is very flirty but within boundaries. It's possible that i would see him again but it's probably best left alone!

Would I go on a date with him again?
Best not
Would I recommend him to a friend? 

Yes

Date Planning 7

Rapport 8

Sweetness 9

Date 20 was the FINAL DATE in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my 19 other dates.

The Blind Date Email:

Contact Details

My Type

Wait a minute Kelyn, what are you doing?

My Relationship History: The Relationship Hopper, Sex Addict, and Weapon of Masturbation

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity
Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 


Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II
Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?


Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 
Martin’s Perspective
Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London

Date 17: Brendan - When A Man Out-Dresses You (and is gay)

 

Who set me up this time?

Amar

Amar is one of the funniest men I know. He has a dirty, camp sense of humour. He is shockingly blunt and knows his own mind very well! To be honest he is a stereotypical gay guy. Amar was very competitive when it came to choosing me a date. I was very eager to see who he came up with. However we have very different taste in men! I think Amar thinks that he knows better than I do when it comes to men.

What did I know about Brendan?

He went to a private school in Harrow. He has a degree in fashion from the University of Edinburgh and he works for a large designer label in ‘brand management’. He enjoys skiing in the Alps which is where Amar met him. According to Amar, Brendan is articulate, cultured and fun. He sounds smooth.

First Impressions

I was absolutely paranoid about what to wear on my fashion designer date! I like the clothes that I wear but I am not known for my style.  In the end I opted for a navy V neck dress from mango and camel shoes from moda in pelle. You can’t go wrong with something as simple and neat as that. Brendan turned up in powder blue trousers, brown shoes and a white slim fitting shirt. He had swept over Black hair and emerald eyes. He was a vision.

What Happened?

Brendan was taking me to see a street ballet performance at a community centre near Clapham. I had actually been to a street ballet show before so I vaguely knew what to expect. Still, I felt a lot of pressure on my date with Brendan. I guess I am more of a beer and comedy girl as Martin (date 10) so fortunately had guessed. On the other hand, I was really excited to do something a bit different to my norm.

The show was actually brilliant and I am so glad that Brendan took me. The scenery was stunning and the dancing impressive. 

Next we went to a bar. I don’t think that I felt very comfortable on this date. We had a good discussion about the show and a few other normal small talk topics of conversation. But for some reason I didn’t feel at ease. I felt self-conscious and as if our conversations were a bit awkward. This might have been my shyness coming out. Brendan is so handsome it’s intimidating. 

Also Brendan is fiercely ambitious and competitive. It was really interesting to listen about his career. He was discussing the major fashion weeks and how he gets to go to 3 of them a year but he doesn’t always get a good seat at the shows. Within the next 5 years he wants to be right up the front. He explained his methods for doing so were basically living and breathing fashion and networking as much as possible. I can imagine that Brendan is good at networking. He is a pretty impressive guy all round. As I am sure you can guess, Brendan name dropped a lot.

Fashion is an undoubtedly sexy subject and an important part of our culture but I don’t really know much about what goes on behind the scenes. If I were to sum up my time on our date it would simply be fascinating.  Overall, Brendan seemed like a nice guy. He is captivating. I was attracted to him physically. He was also very attentive. He tended to my every need at the Lebanese restaurant we were at. But I did not think our personalities clicked in the way that they should do if you want to go on a second date. If I am honest, Brendan came across as a bit of a social climber with a real hunger for power and success. This is great but I still think that I am suited to someone who is more chilled out. I am attracted to people who are intelligent and resourceful but also go about creating success in a more individualistic way – perhaps. Plus Brendan might judge me for my curry and bud lifestyle and my rain coat and earmuffs attire! TBF I guess I would be pretending if I said that I didn't care that much about fashion. 



Would I go out with him again?

I feel inclined to say yes because Brendan is interesting and a nice guy. On the grounds of us not having very much in common though, I think that it is more likely to be a no. 

What other people have said?

They don’t think we sound like a good match. Amar has called me an idiot and told me that I am just intimidated by Brendan. I obviously disagree. I can be shy but not so shy that I wouldn’t take the plunge if I thought someone was right for me!

UPDATE: My naughty friend Amar set me up with Brendan knowing that we were totally incompatible because Brendan is actually homosexual! Thanks Amar! He thought it would be funny. HAHA idiot. So this should really be called my date with a gay guy! If you want to read about the hetero man that Amar set me up with try date 20.

Would I recommend him to a friend?

Yes

Date planning 9

Rapport 6.5

Sweetness 6.5

This was date 17 in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my other dates.

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity

Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 

Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?

Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 
Martin’s Perspective

Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London