Date 20: Devontay - Miss, If I were a few years younger, you’d definitely get it’

Felt like we were playing lights out

Who set me up this time

After setting me up on a date with a gay man in date 17: Brendan, Amar insisted on setting me up again. Determined to pimp me out with a little more success this time, Amar said that he would try to set me up with someone who fits the characteristics described on the my type page.

What did I know about Devontay

Devontay’s mother is British born Jamaican. His Dad was French but sadly passed away before he was born. He grew up in Maidstone. He is significantly older than me (35). He is a web architect. He works at the UK & Ireland head office for one of the largest internet corporations in the world.

I am slightly wary about the age difference. I am quite a young goof and I’m certainly not looking to settle down anytime soon. Ideally, I’d be with someone in their mid 20s. Still, the blind date marathon was about open mindedness.

First Impressions

Devon approached me with a text “Hi Holly, Amar told me about your 20 dates challenge. He said that I should get in contact. Apparently I  am ‘an out of touch nerd’ and that is what you have been looking for in a man? Haha... I hope Amar is joking about that one or else you will be disappointed. I’m actually pretty cool. Still, it would be lovely to meet for dinner and I look forward to hearing from you.”

I am not looking for an out of touch nerd! I like men to be deeply intelligent, individualistically creative and to have well thought out opinions about culture and society. An ‘in-touch’ nerd.

We met at Shoreditch station. He gave me a big warm hello and I liked him straight away.

What Happened

We walked to a Chinese restaurant. We soared through normal small talk such as where we grew up, favourite films etc. Throughout this conversation I was continually made aware of our generational differences. E.g. when mobile phones launched as a household item, I was just starting secondary school whereas Devon had already graduated. This added an interesting dimension to our conversation but felt a little weird.

As we are both from mixed ethnic backgrounds we shared a lot of similar experiences. Many people struggle to get their heads round the very simple concept that one side of my family are white skinned and the other dark skinned. Also people can very rarely see you as coming from both backgrounds and nearly always feel the need to categorise you as one or the other. Sharing stories about this issue had us cracking up with laughter. Devon also shared the same dislike of being fancied because of his race. We had an engaging conversation about women who ‘go for blacks because they’re black’ (you know you are)! Devon told me, “I think it’s partially down to the whole black man, big cock stereotype. That stereotype really puts pressure on a man. Women always expect me to be well endowed but I’m actually a bit on the small side sadly”. He said this straight-faced and with a vulnerable expression on his face and I thought he was deadly serious. I felt compelled to give him some reassurance, “Oh... it doesn’t really matter that much”. Nooooo! That's such an embarrassing thing to say. He laughed in my face as of course he was just winding me up (he's black so he's bound to be huge).

We had a few interests in common. We were both childhood fans of The Hobbit and eagerly await the film. And we both love Mario Puzo’s The Godfather Trilogy (who doesn't). We share a love of Levi Roots reggae reggae products. Devon is also a Clark Kent character. Nerdy glasses by day, contacts and debauchery by night. And we are both family oriented. This made conversation very easy and enjoyable.

Devon loves festivals and is also a frequent visitor of Fringe. When I told him that I shy away from festivals because I don’t like the idea of the shared toilets and showers, he laughed at me once again. “You are no tom boy. You’re a right girly prissy girl!” he claimed. This wound me up!

Then Devon mentioned that he feels like he is getting a little too old for festivals now. And once again I was reminded of his senior age. When talking about families, Devon revealed that he has a twin sister and because of her friends he boasted that he has always had a string of female admirers around him. This might describe his ease and confidence around women. He also had a younger sister aged 23 who he helped raise. Actually, he said it was strange to be on a date with me because I’m only a little bit older than that little sister.

It was a strange coincidence that Devon had quite a bit in common with Date 10 - Martin. They were in a similar industry, they grew up in the same town and out of all my dates they were two of the best. I also quite liked Date 15 - James. There appears to be a bit of a theme here. Perhaps I secretly like computer geeks?

However I concluded that although plenty of people have successful and fulfilling relationships with big age gaps, Devon and I were at far too different stages in our lives to be compatible in the long term. Nonetheless, I thought that Devon and I understood each other quite well. Or to quote how Devon jokingly, and rather presumptuously, put it “if I were about 7 years younger you’d definitely get it”. I thought that Devon was well mannered, fun, interesting and conscientious. However, the fact that he is hoping for a wife and kids in the next 5 years makes us completely incompatible. I'm far too immature!

What other people have said

Sounds like a big age gap but you shouldn’t let that be the only thing in your way. That’s not the only thing though.

Would I see him again as friends

He has been in contact quite a bit. He is very flirty but within boundaries. It's possible that i would see him again but it's probably best left alone!

Would I go on a date with him again?
Best not
Would I recommend him to a friend? 

Yes

Date Planning 7

Rapport 8

Sweetness 9

Date 20 was the FINAL DATE in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my 19 other dates.

The Blind Date Email:

Contact Details

My Type

Wait a minute Kelyn, what are you doing?

My Relationship History: The Relationship Hopper, Sex Addict, and Weapon of Masturbation

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity
Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 


Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II
Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?


Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 
Martin’s Perspective
Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London

Date 14: Dan - A Black Man in Waitrose?!

Who set me up this time?

K

I don’t actually know K very well! I met him through a networking and social club for people from my paternal land of origin, Goa. There are two main networking societies for young Goans in the UK. These are Fenny Fever and YLGS. These societies host events where Goans can connect with other Goans and bring a few non-Goan friends along for the ride. K is soft-natured with a random sense of humour and a passion for US thriller series Dexter. That is why we clicked.
   

What did I know about Dan?

He was sold to me by K as kind, good looking and fun. I have been told that he’s cool but not a player.

Dan got in touch by text message. I have to say that he is one of the naffest texters of my blind date marathon. In contrast to Date 12 who didn’t say enough, Dan said too much. He sort of rambled for a bit. Some texts were too long, disjointed and with several parentheses in brackets. This might sound like a minor, picky point but when you’re trying to initiate a rapport by text message, your date has nothing else to go by. So it is better to keep it witty and personalised, but also snappy and relevant. Try to exclude brackets and rambling! The texts improved with time.

First Impressions

A Stabbing

Before meeting Dan my friend and I witnessed a stabbing on Oxford Street. It was between some youths and apparently involved a gang dispute. Luckily this was the week after the 2011 riots, another rough moment for London, but it meant that there were ambulances and police all over Oxford Street and the paramedics dealt with the situation in time. Meeting Dan became a bit of a panic. As the police had shut the tube, I ended up 40mins or so late.

No Plan

We met outside Kings Cross station. I explained what had happened and apologised for lateness. Dan didn’t ask whether I was OK or not which I thought was a bit off. Maybe that’s just typical for a bloke but I would have asked! Despite that blip I was actually pleasantly surprised. Dan is pretty nice looking and seemed pretty cool. However, his next words were ‘so where are we going? What are we doing?’ I thought I had made it explicitly clear that he should organise the date but I guess we have another passive man here! Despite the fact that I generally prefer more dynamic men, I still thought that Dan was a lovely guy.

What Happened

Figuring out a plan

I made a decision that we should get on the next bus to Angel. Deep in conversation, we missed the stop and ended up by Old Street. Here, I had to make the decision to get a drink in the next pub and get a bus back to Angel for another. We ended up in Ladybug on Upper Street which is a bit nostalgic for me. However, it is also somewhat tacky and I made the decision to leave before purchasing and go to MISO instead for some food. Dan was pretty absent throughout the decision making process. If you know me you will know that I’d have preferred him to have more of an opinion but still be receptive.

Job Hopper

Dan was a good few years older than me. Conversation centred on jobs that Dan had done. It turned out that Dan was going through a bit of a careers dilemma. He was an official job hopper with a variety of experience but he didn’t feel like he was in a 'career' as such. In fact, he’d just quit his job and wanted to develop something deeper in food photography. He showed me a sample of his portfolio on his phone and they were excellent. He does have a talent there! Despite Dan’s many talents it was apparent that he was feeling down hearted and stressed out at being at the careers cross-roads again. What does this say to your date? I guess most women prefer someone who is confident, capable, secure and successful. Dan only came across as capable. It might sound harsh but these deep sort of conversations about your insecurities and life's frustrations may be a little too heavy for a first date. Perhaps they are better left for later on.

One of the first questions i get asked about a date is what does he do for a living. I think this is a very important point because it influences financial mobility, personal availability, interests and social circles. I personally would find it difficult to date someone who did not feel passionate and driven in what they do.  

Still, if you turn down a perfect match just because they do not have their career sorted, then you are an idiot. For one thing, it's a bit shallow. And also in the current recession you would also be forced to turn down a lot of great and smart people who will make great partners.

  

A Gentleman

Dan was very gentlemanly. He opened doors, bought me a drink. He had impeccable manners. He was considerate. He mentioned various friends and I happened to notice that he had several male and female friends. It's usually a good sign for me if a man has friends of both gender. Overall he was good company.

A Black Man in Waitrose?

We had a few interesting conversations about food, supermarkets and the grocer magazine. This might sound a little boring but liked it as it's my industry. I love a man who has an opinion, and a guy who can cook is incredibly sexy to me. And I love to eat! However, I also uncovered that Dan doesn’t travel and doesn’t really do holidays. He gave me a cold stare when I tried to discuss K and I’s culture. Dan also made this comment, ‘you’ll never see a black man in Waitrose. It’s far too much of a middle class thing.’ Does this suggest that Dan sees all 'Blacks' as working class? Statistically black British people earn less than white people and some ethnic minorities, but there are still a huge number of Black people in this country who are doctors, lawyers, MPs, well educated, affluent etc. Actually my manager is black and so is my GP and just from my personal experience I can think of a few black people who shop at Waitrose!! I pointed this out and Dan just shrugged and accepted that he was basing his comment on his dry humour and local area (Berkshire, I think). Fair enough! Still, it was clear that Dan was not very cosmopolitan and I find that sort of ignorance difficult to swallow. 

Dan got the bill when I was in the loo! This was sweet of him. He didn’t have to, especially seeing as he had just quit his job, but it was appreciated.

 

Would I go out with him again?

I don’t think we are compatible. This was a shame because he is hot and can cook! But I dont think it would work. We are possibly friendship material but it’s not like he lives down the road. The chances are that I won’t see him ever again. Dan is also the only date who never contacted me again! So I guess he sees it the same way.

What do other people say?

“If we ended up talking about the Grocer and the food industry then this date must have been lame!” 

Would I recommend him to a friend?

maybe

Date Planning 3 (he turned up on time)

Rapport 5.5

Sweetness 7

This was date 14 in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my other dates.

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity

Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 

Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?

Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 
Martin’s Perspective

Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London