The Blind Date Marathon: Date 10: Martin: FAIL!!

· Who set me up this time

Rhona
We met when we were 11. We bonded over textiles, woodwork and food technology. We hated all three lessons but managed to have a good time anyway by laughing at my horrific creations like banana and peanut pies. They were BAD! I remember our teacher’s response when we got As in our GCSEs. He saw me in the town centre, pulled up his car and shouted at me ‘Hey, how on earth did you and Rhona get an A?!!’ Thanks Mr. Howells! Rhona is strong minded, principled and fun. Just to demonstrate what a good friend she is, Rhona managed to set me up with someone even though she currently lives in Vietnam. Row is my ‘mate for life’.

· What do I know about him

Despite the praise that I just sung, there is another side to Rhona. She is a little mischievous and has a habit of getting me into trouble! Date 10 was a rather peculiar ‘blind’ date because over a year ago on one very hazy night, I had actually been introduced to Martin. It was the worst introduction ever.

Sometime 2009: The story goes that Rhona had described her new boyfriend to me as tall, kind, intelligent and good fun to be with. He seemed really nice and much better than the guys my friends normally date. Naturally I had to ask Rhona if he had a brother. And when she confirmed I said “cool. I’ll take him then.” Martin was that brother.

Rhona’s birthday 2010: I was at home trying to complete the coursework from hell. I hadn’t seen Row in ages. I hadn’t eaten all day. I left my coursework looking like a state. Even though the deadline was looming I wanted to make sure I got to Rhona’s birthday party on time. But I didn’t! The trains were cancelled, I end up missing the first bar and arrived 2 hours late. To make matters worse my ex-boyfriend unexpectedly turned up at the party! I necked a few beers but they didn’t really do what they were supposed to. Suddenly, Rhona pulled me up to some guy and shouts, “Martin meet my friend. She wants to SHAG you!” This is one of those moments where you should probably just laugh. Instead I just let my jaw drop and cringed! The next thing I remember is Martin telling me as politely as he could that maybe I should talk to someone else.

I am 100% convinced that as this was just a silly drunk moment that occurred over a year ago, and Martin will not remember.

In summary, I know that Martin is Dominic’s brother, and that if you get introduced to him as the one who wants to shag him, it can be awkward. As I was unable to get details from Rhona (in Vietnam) I googled Martin. Can you imagine my horror when I discovered a photo of him with gherkins up his nose? Did Rhona really think that I wanted to shag this man? Well, at least he doesn’t take himself too seriously and as Rhona said, “don’t worry about the date. I’m sure it will go well and even if it doesn’t it’ll be another funny story!”

· First impressions

Martin got in touch by text message. His messages were always well written, witty and made me laugh. He explained that he wanted to go on a half outdoor adventure, half city holiday – Tick 1. He was busy at Glastonbury – tick 2. He thought I might like to go see a comedy – tick 3. Would I like to go for beer and burritos – tick 4. He watches the apprentice – tick 5. I started to get suspicious that Rhona was telling this man exactly what to say.

· What happened

On the whole, this was a pretty good date. However, a blind date post without criticism would be a missed opportunity. So I will make sure to dot in some brutal comments.

I went shopping on Oxford Street before meeting Martin. I was buying trashy dresses thanks to my mid-20s crisis. Then I went straight to the Brewmasters Leicester Square. It's bit of an 'old man’s pub' right opposite the tube station. I was a little early and Martin was running a little late. Earlier on in the day, I had one GIANT can of redbull (the freaky sized ones you get a Boots) at work and another giant can of redbull on Oxford Street. I didn’t really want alcohol before my date so I went for the next best thing that the pub had to offer. Another redbull! This was the first fail of the evening. Those who know me know that I am very sensitive to caffeine. Also the bartender accidentally put a vodka in it. On the upside, I complained and didn't get charged for the vodka.

Another English rainstorm had hit London. When Martin arrived my jaw dropped. Water was literally rolling off his face and onto the pub floor. Get a raincoat! He made a friendly hello and he seemed pleasant.

Martin got me a beer and we chatted. Turns out we both went to Catholic primary school but didn’t believe in much of the RE we were taught. We shared accounts about the moral stories that we were taught by our teachers. This cracked me up. We had a few bits in common. Martin knows my area as he has family nearby. He also worked as a contractor in the building right opposite mine! Martin is fun to talk to overall. He seemed really hyper like he’d been on the redbull too. He has a really loud voice and talks quite fast.

One bad thing Martin did was he made fun of the company I work for and the fact that I am on temporary contract. Don’t insult what somebody does 38 hours a week on a date. This could at very best be seen as awkward banter and at worse seem very rude and stupid.

Next we went to the US-Mexican fast food restaurant Chipotle.

I was quite impressed that Martin had managed to guess that I liked beer. Date1 thought it unladylike for women to drink beer and that had irritated me. In comparison Martin seemed down-to-earth and a lot more in touch with women. Martin didn’t even laugh at my mens raincoat. So I asked him, “how did you guess I drink beer?” He gave a response that gave me a sweep of dread, “You were drinking it at Rhona’s birthday party.” NOOOOooo! He remembers! I think that my face must have dropped as Martin smiled, “Rhona seemed to be doing her best to embarrass you the night.” Yep. Thanks Rhona! I should have known that men don’t forget it when you are introduced to them as the one that wants to shag them!

Martin comes across as a bit of a bragger. He is always talking about amazing festivals he’s attending, great summer holidays, drunken stories and the perks of his wonderful job. He works for a mysterious company that cannot be named. All I know is that he really loves his big computer screens. I hope that he does not work for some sort of internet porn company. I prefer to see him as a spy. Perhaps a little Johnny English. The reason that bragging is not such a good idea on a blind date is that it will likely come across as either pretentious or a desperate attempt to impress. In some cases, it might even come across as if you are trying to compensate for lack of personality. In Martin’s seemed as though he simply ‘loved himself’. This is not as bad as it sounds! It is kind of annoying but much better than hating yourself and the rest of the world (such as date 9)! I think that Martin has a refreshingly positive attitude to life and maybe even some boyish charm.

Suspiciously close to my interests, Martin took me to see comedian Sam Simmons. I almost thought that Rhona had been giving him tips. But then she is in Vietnam so it's probably just coincidence. I had been hoping that one of my dates would take me to a comedy show. The show was bizarre but engaging with enough laugh out loud moments to be called good but not enough for superb. There were a few strange bits that reminded me of Garth Marenghi and a few more standard stand up pieces. Try this link for a taste.

The show was called ‘Fail’ which was an apt title really as this described the rest of the night. Just kidding but there were a few bloops. By now I’d had 2 giant redbulls, 1 regular redbull, 1 vodka and 2 beers. This is overkill for a lightweight! I was feeling edgy, high and thirsty. So I ordered a soft drink. Coca Cola please! Martin gave me a bewildered look that said ‘lightweight’. Needless to say that I had forgotten one of the key ingredients of coca cola: caffeine! FAIL! I was jittering. I really did not want to finish my drink but it felt rude not to seeing as Martin had bought it for me. I also could not stop talking. FAIL!

We decided to go for a drink after the show. Unfortunately Martin didn’t know any good nearby bars. FAIL! We walked around for a bit finally settling for O Bar. FAIL! Not a top choice but it’s better than walking the streets. Martin had been generous throughout the evening and I offered to buy him a drink. I was absolutely mortified when the jobsworth bar tender wouldn’t accept my card unless I had another 3 shots to the tab to get it to reach £10. I even said to the bartender that she could have the three drinks herself, take a tip or put them through the wastage but she refused all options. Noooo! FAIL! On the brightside O bar does some cheap drinks! Martin had to come and rescue me and pay for the drinks again. This was an embarrassing dent in my pride!

I had a cocktail and we swapped drunken tales. We even discussed how many strip clubs we’d been too. Oops! FAIL! Drunken tales can make your date worry that you are alcohol reliant. Even if you do use alcohol as a crutch and see no shame in it, limit drunken tales on a first date to a minimum. Save them for later! I personally think it is better to guard your more wild side and let it out gradually.

During drinks things started to lag a little. Martin does not come across as the type of guy who likes to stay up past his bedtime on a school night. To be fair, neither do I but what happened next left me with no choice. By the time I got to Kings Cross station I was exhausted but in a good mood. Then I found out that the last train had been smashed in by vandals. FAIL! They prepared another train to take us home but unfortunately this added another 2 hours to my journey time. FAIL! After such a long day, I ended up asleep on the manky train seats. FAIL! I set my alarm to wake me up 5 minutes before my station. My alarm vibrates and beeps very loudly so I thought that there was no chance that I wouldn’t hear it. Just to be sure I put it under my head as I slowly shut my eyes. The next thing I knew the carriage was shaking and there was a loud siren in my ears. I screamed and jumped up on my feet throwing my bag to the floor.To the shock and embarrassment of everyone on the carriage, the scream continued for ages. FAIL! People even came in from the next carriage just to check I was OK. SUPER FAIL! I ran off the train OK but very shamefaced. Luckily Martin didn’t get to witness this. I finally got home at 3am. This is why I like it when dates who know that you have a long journey home give you a text to see how you are. Martin didn't but nevermind.

From the very first text message Martin stood out from the crowd. Martin has a lively way of expressing himself which is quite geeky but also pretty funny! A message he sent me about cheese had me cracking up in the office. I have a bit of a geek fetish and I hope Martin doesn’t mind me describing him in that way. Out of all my dates, Martin took the whole blog thing in the best humour. In contrast to some of the others, he did not see my blog as a soppy romantic plea. Martin understood it as a dare/social experiment which should be both comical and educational. It was Martin’s wacky idea that I should make top trump cards of all my dates. I didn’t take it that far but the ‘planning, sweetness and rapport’ measures at the end of each date post were inspired by him. Plus to back up his quirkyness Martin is also warm and polite. I actually spent a while trying to think of criticisms for Martin. The only one I could really think of is that he talks a bit too loud!

Here’s a text I received from Martin that will give you a hint of how this man is a little "different": “hey so I was sitting by the pool in Ibiza today with my laptop, and I knocked together my own blog version of our date.” OMG! Shock horror! Click here to read.

· What other people have said

My colleagues seem to really like the sound of Martin. They especially liked the fact that he wrote a blog back at me! Others have said that he sounds like an fun loving character.

· Would I go out with him again?

Yes, well under normal circumstances anyway.

· Would I recommend him to a friend?

Yes

Date Planning 8

Rapport 8

Sweetness 8.5

This was date 10 of my dating marathon. The dare was to do 20. Click on the links below to read the rest of my dates: