The Blind Date Marathon: Date 5 : Darren – a nice man but still into his exes

Who set me up this time

Kumar
A friend from my uni years. Not really sure how Kumar and I became friends as we were studying completely different subjects and were also at different universities in London. Kumar was at Kings.

What do I know about my date

Interestingly my male friends have completely different ideas about what I am looking for in a date. Men tend to say things like ‘he will take care of you’, ‘he is really romantic’, ‘he has a lot of money’, and ‘he will treat you.’ This might suggest that men think I am looking for a provider. I’m not. In comparison, my female friends are seem to understand my needs more and are likely to say things like ‘he’s really fun’. ‘I think you two will really get along.’

As this date was set up by a man, I assumed that Darren will be a high earner, soft, romantic, and a gentleman who ‘treats’ his date. Perhaps this also reflects the way that guys treat a male friend's female friend as opposed to a female friend's female friend..? I look forward to being treated. But if I were to have a long term partner, I would prefer things to be more 50/50. And for me, the most important thing about a man is how much you enjoy his company not how chivalrous he is.

First impressions

Darren is well-dressed, polite and good looking. He gives me a nice confident greeting and we walk straight to the bar he has a reservation at. Perfect. He’s organised.

What happened?

We went to a Chinese bar in Soho. It was a great choice of location. Soho has a tainted reputation but it still remains my favourite area of London. Similar to London as a whole, Soho is a world of extremes. There are the usual tourist spots vs. the in-the-know side street venues, grungey brothels vs. glitzy celebrity clubs, pubs that are falling apart vs. high class bars. Soho is also home to some of the best restaurants and comedy that London offers.

I would describe the bar we went to as a relaxed, high end cocktail bar that was pretty classy but not intimidating. I discovered that the original venue was based in Hong Kong City which is easily one of my favourite cities in the world. As I was tired from a day at work, and hot and thirsty from the tube, my first drink was a fruit mocktail. This was lovely. I should really start more dates on a mocktail. It is a much healthier way to begin things! Don't worry though I caught up lightweight style.

Darren and I went through the normal small-talk subjects; how we know Kumar, careers, home town, holidays and films. Then we came across a topic of discussion which should not be brought up on a first date... his ex. Of course, many of us have an ex issue. But you need to remember that incredibly few people are interested in hearing about these issues. And the person who least wants to listen to you talk about your sad and difficult breakup is the person you are on a date with. Even if you talk about your ex in a reasonable and calm way, the truth is that if you start talking about your ex, your date will inevitably believe that you are not over them.

Not only did Darren make the mistake of talking and his ex but he also fell into the trap of quizzing me about mine. Luckily my story is nice and short: I have two ex-boyfriends from long term relationships (4 years each). Both of them are completely over and I am glad they are over. One has disappeared. The other is around and we are not on bad terms but just don’t really talk. Simple.

He asked me why I was single. I think that this question was meant to be a compliment as it was phrased, ‘You’re attractive, intelligent and kind. I am surprised you’re single. Why are you single?’ but i find this question really awkward. I just mumbled i dunno. I swear that the most happy and independent single person in the world will still feel slightly irritated and defensive at this question. Or is it just me?

Next we went to a little Moroccan restaurant near Regents Street. We had a mixture of spicy vegetarian foods. Luckily a change of scenery led to a change of conversation. We were on comedy. Like me, Darren is a keen fan of Richard Ayoade British actor, writer, comedian, director (sidepoint my mum fancies him). As we tried to get to the bottom of why Garth Merenghi is such a fantastic show, Darren and I managed to build a good rapport and I was enjoying the evening again!

The food was right up my street. We shared a variety of dishes. One note about sharing dishes though, this can be quite intimate. Perhaps it is not the best choice for a blind date? It is actually a better date for the first date that you have sex. Isn't sharing food with a date a bit like foreplay. Or perhaps I am being too imaginative and weird here (sorry friends and family). But if you agree then I recommend Ethiopian restaurants with your target. While I was on my date with Darren I somewhat inappropriately decided that Moroccan could be a good second choice for foreplay food.

I don’t want to sound crude but I really could not help but notice that Darren works out. He easily passes the sideways glance test.

Towards the end of the evening Darren asked me whether he should prepare for any criticism in my blog. I had to be honest with him so I told him that I didn’t really like talking about his ex. Nor did I like him quizzing me about my relationship history. People prefer not to be defined by their past relationships and it comes across as if you still have feelings for your ex. In crueller terms it is a bit boring.

Darren was gracious in receiving this feedback and his excuse was that he had had a bit of a crushing break up. And he wanted me to know that he is a bit fragile. Being such a conscientious person, I asked him if he was too fragile for me to write a blog entry about him. Luckily he laughed and said he doesn’t mind honest feedback be it face to face or on the internet. Kumar has a good friend here. Hot, sensitive and up for critical feedback. The rest of the date went really well so this all the criticism I have. I quite liked Darren but we both decided that as he was still a bit cut up about his relationship that ended 5 months before our date, he should probably spend a bit of time being single before he starts seeing someone again. Once Darren is over his ex I think he will be a good catch again.

Would I go out with him again?

No

What other people have said

Surely everyone knows that you don't talk about your ex on a first date?

Would I recommend him to a friend?

Maybe in a good few months time!

Date Planning 7

Rapport 6

Sweetness 7

This was date 5 of my dating marathon. The dare was to do 20. Click on the links below to read the rest of my dates: