Showing posts with label computer geek. Show all posts
Showing posts with label computer geek. Show all posts

Sunday, 29 January 2012

My 'Type'

I wrote this last August. It was published under Pages



What's a Type?

Apparently we all have a 'type'. 

I find it difficult to describe, but I have written a list of things which turn me on or off. Most things got on the list because I either admire people who have these qualities or detest people who don't have these qualities. Some reflect my interests. Other things are just plain fetish.




I like a man who:



1) is Intelligent - I don't see academia as the best measure of intelligence. I don’t care what qualifications or formal education they have. But they do have to come across as smart for me to find them sexy.
2) enjoys their food and is not a fussy eater
3) a great cook 
3) is not too vain or clean cut. 
4) has a great sense of humour
5) enjoys comedy – especially British comedy
5) has good friends of both gender
6) has ginger hair
7) is taller than me (I'm 5"4ish)
8) enjoys big holidays
9) enjoys action/outdoorsy stuff
10) is loyal to his partner/friends/family
11) is not very sexist (we are all a little bit)
12) is polite and friendly to waiting staff and sales people
13) is low on the fundamental attribution error
14) is relaxed around kids in hoodies (colloquially and often unfairly also known as 'chavs')
15) is open towards other cultures and generally relativist but has some solid values of their own
16) is not religious
17) is not a homophobe and has fairly relaxed views on gender
18) is a doer - I like a guy who organises stuff and is always up for new experiences.
19) works for their own keep
20) is hardworking and ambitious but not struggling with their work-life balance
21) has a Catholic background but is not actually Catholic! Not necessary but I like having this in common with people
22) is not snobby
23) has well thought out opinions on important things such as political/social issues and is able to hold his ground in an argument
24) has lots of hobbies and takes an interest in the world
25) follows the news
26) does not argue about money
27) plays sport or exercises 
28) gets excited about niche topics 
29) is domesticated
30) likes nature and is knowledgeable about the natural world
31) is down to earth
32) is happy to clown around sometimes
33) gets along with my friends
34) is good to his family - family oriented              
35) is an ugly musician            
36) has a good appetite
37) has a positive attitude to life and society
38) is about 28 years old. 23-33 is probably the suitable range
39) respects animals - not in a weird way, just has an appreciation for them
40) questions me
41) is not passive and can make decisions
42) is witty in conversation
43) is reliable in his word
44) is honest
45) is decisive
46) is dynamic 
47) is not afraid to say what he wants
48) is reflective
49) doesn't hate mainstream society
50) is not a social conformist. Has their own style and opinion
51) is kind and doesn't slag people off
52) is not vindictive
53) has a Scottish accent
54) tells good dirty jokes
55) is not a power tripper
56) is relatively thick skinned - not too sensitive
57) loves to try the finer things in life and will splash cash regularly but knows that there are more important things in life 
58) is not too babied by his parents
59) is not too green. knows how to survive in the city
60) is generous and enjoys treating others
61) is ambitious in an individualistic way rather than a pushy social climber
62) works in IT - why i don't know
63) is mysterious and quirky
64) is Interested in other cultures including mine
65) is inventive and thoughtful
66) lets themselves be treated by others
67) knows what they like romantically and sexually
68) knows what they want from a relationship.
69) does not have conservative, old fashioned family values and for example does not judge others for raising children out of wedlock
70) enjoys a good drink.
71) does not smoke
72) accepts that other people experiment with illegal drugs and does not judge them badly for it but has no drug habit of their own. i.e. alcohol is their drug
73) Makes things happen. Not a bailer
74) not looking to settle down but not anti-relationships either,
75) Listens and shows that they listen through thoughtful gestures
76) Not too much of a prissy boy although they can have some metrosexual behaviours
77) is not too shallow
78) does not hold shallow views about people because of their social, economic background or family status
79) is easy going not too intense
80) is not too much of a city dweller. Can survive in the sticks
81) flirts a lot
82) is competitive and loves themselves on one level, but self depreciating and makes jokes at their own expense on another
83) is great fun to hang out with
84) laughs a lot

This list might sound a bit strange in places. I have literally just thought about everybody who I have ever been interested in and everybody who has ever put me off.

People tell me that sticking to a type is limiting. They say that you should be open-minded. As part of the blind date exercise I will try to ignore having my 'type'. I am going to go with the flow with whoever my friends set me up with. Say yes to all dates and see what happens!



Saturday, 7 January 2012

Date 20: Devontay - Miss, If I were a few years younger, you’d definitely get it’

Felt like we were playing lights out


Who set me up this time
After setting me up on a date with a gay man in date 17: Brendan, Amar insisted on setting me up again. Determined to pimp me out with a little more success this time, Amar said that he would try to set me up with someone who fits the characteristics described on the my type page.
What did I know about Devontay
Devontay’s mother is British born Jamaican. His Dad was French but sadly passed away before he was born. He grew up in Maidstone. He is significantly older than me (35). He is a web architect. He works at the UK & Ireland head office for one of the largest internet corporations in the world.
I am slightly wary about the age difference. I am quite a young goof and I’m certainly not looking to settle down anytime soon. Ideally, I’d be with someone in their mid 20s. Still, the blind date marathon was about open mindedness.
First Impressions
Devon approached me with a text “Hi Holly, Amar told me about your 20 dates challenge. He said that I should get in contact. Apparently I  am ‘an out of touch nerd’ and that is what you have been looking for in a man? Haha... I hope Amar is joking about that one or else you will be disappointed. I’m actually pretty cool. Still, it would be lovely to meet for dinner and I look forward to hearing from you.”
I am not looking for an out of touch nerd! I like men to be deeply intelligent, individualistically creative and to have well thought out opinions about culture and society. An ‘in-touch’ nerd.
We met at Shoreditch station. He gave me a big warm hello and I liked him straight away.
What Happened
We walked to a Chinese restaurant. We soared through normal small talk such as where we grew up, favourite films etc. Throughout this conversation I was continually made aware of our generational differences. E.g. when mobile phones launched as a household item, I was just starting secondary school whereas Devon had already graduated. This added an interesting dimension to our conversation but felt a little weird.
As we are both from mixed ethnic backgrounds we shared a lot of similar experiences. Many people struggle to get their heads round the very simple concept that one side of my family are white skinned and the other dark skinned. Also people can very rarely see you as coming from both backgrounds and nearly always feel the need to categorise you as one or the other. Sharing stories about this issue had us cracking up with laughter. Devon also shared the same dislike of being fancied because of his race. We had an engaging conversation about women who ‘go for blacks because they’re black’ (you know you are)! Devon told me, “I think it’s partially down to the whole black man, big cock stereotype. That stereotype really puts pressure on a man. Women always expect me to be well endowed but I’m actually a bit on the small side sadly”. He said this straight-faced and with a vulnerable expression on his face and I thought he was deadly serious. I felt compelled to give him some reassurance, “Oh... it doesn’t really matter that much”. Nooooo! That's such an embarrassing thing to say. He laughed in my face as of course he was just winding me up (he's black so he's bound to be huge).
We had a few interests in common. We were both childhood fans of The Hobbit and eagerly await the film. And we both love Mario Puzo’s The Godfather Trilogy (who doesn't). We share a love of Levi Roots reggae reggae products. Devon is also a Clark Kent character. Nerdy glasses by day, contacts and debauchery by night. And we are both family oriented. This made conversation very easy and enjoyable.
Devon loves festivals and is also a frequent visitor of Fringe. When I told him that I shy away from festivals because I don’t like the idea of the shared toilets and showers, he laughed at me once again. “You are no tom boy. You’re a right girly prissy girl!” he claimed. This wound me up!

Then Devon mentioned that he feels like he is getting a little too old for festivals now. And once again I was reminded of his senior age. When talking about families, Devon revealed that he has a twin sister and because of her friends he boasted that he has always had a string of female admirers around him. This might describe his ease and confidence around women. He also had a younger sister aged 23 who he helped raise. Actually, he said it was strange to be on a date with me because I’m only a little bit older than that little sister.

It was a strange coincidence that Devon had quite a bit in common with Date 10 - Martin. They were in a similar industry, they grew up in the same town and out of all my dates they were two of the best. I also quite liked Date 15 - James. There appears to be a bit of a theme here. Perhaps I secretly like computer geeks?

However I concluded that although plenty of people have successful and fulfilling relationships with big age gaps, Devon and I were at far too different stages in our lives to be compatible in the long term. Nonetheless, I thought that Devon and I understood each other quite well. Or to quote how Devon jokingly, and rather presumptuously, put it “if I were about 7 years younger you’d definitely get it”. I thought that Devon was well mannered, fun, interesting and conscientious. However, the fact that he is hoping for a wife and kids in the next 5 years makes us completely incompatible. I'm far too immature!
What other people have said
Sounds like a big age gap but you shouldn’t let that be the only thing in your way. That’s not the only thing though.
Would I see him again as friends
He has been in contact quite a bit. He is very flirty but within boundaries. It's possible that i would see him again but it's probably best left alone!

Would I go on a date with him again?
Best not
Would I recommend him to a friend?
 
Yes

Date Planning 7
Rapport 8

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Date 15: James – ‘Relationships are like laptops’

Who set me up this time?
Anna strikes again. She is the same friend who set me up on date 3.
What did I know about James
James works for a very large online retailer. He is a web developer. He is blond. He is very technical. Anna says that this time she has it sussed and James will be ideal for me.
First Impressions
We met in Shoreditch. James gave me a cool and confident greeting. He seemed like a chilled out character and he came across as very sure of himself. He told me that he thought we could go to a dim sum bar and get some dinner and a few drinks. He was very organised and well spoken. James did not have the looks that I usually go for. For some reason I normally find myself attracted to darker haired men. But I think it is stupid to focus too much on such a trivial superficial feature and decided to date my first blond.

What Happened
We went to the dimsum bar which was somewhere between Old Street and Liverpool Street Station. James asked me if the plan was OK or if there was something else I’d rather do. I told him that I love dim sum. It was nice of him to have come up with a plan but still ask me if there is something that I wanted to do. I was carrying heavy shopping bags and he insisted on helping me out. I thought that this was a sweet touch but he really didn’t have to.
The food was gorgeous. We had seafood, chilli sauce, pak choi and garlic. James ordered the garlic. Garlic is very tasty but famous for making your breath smell. I hoped that wasn’t a hint that I shouldn’t kiss him. Not That I would have anyway but that would just dent my old ego a bit.
We went through the normal small talk: films, music, holidays, universities etc. James was witty and opinionated throughout the date. I personally think that he might have been a little too opinionated but then I share that fault so it was all good. We had some good debates. I believe that I won these (then I am a bit biased), but James held his ground and made some very interesting points. Although on first impressions James did not seem my type, his sparkling conversation made me reconsider a little. 
Then we moved back towards my second to least favourite topic of conversation for a date. The worst topic is ex-partners and the second worst is reasons for why you are single. Luckily, James steered clear of exes but he did ask me why I am unattached. For a joke, I told him that it’s probably because I am too clingy and desperate. Or at least I hoped that he would take it as a joke. Instead his face dropped.  I corrected myself. I really think the reason that I am single is that I have not met the right person. I also think that it has been good for me to be single for some time. I had previously hopped from one serious, long-term relationship to another and it was good to be independent for a while.
I didn’t ask the cringe-worthy question back but James answered it anyway. And his answer was quite unexpected. Imagine my surprise when James compared women to laptops. “In my experience,” he says. “Relationships are just like laptops. When they are new, they are brilliant. They run well and fast and they make your life easier and more fun. But then they start to slow down, get bogged up with memory and all of a sudden they are sh*t. You buy extra storage, try to upgrade them to see if it will help, but it just doesn’t work. Your old laptop (relationship) is stuffy and you need a new and improved one to come along and rock your world again.” And that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part about what James said was that I can totally relate to it. My laptop is terribly slow these days and I am off to buy a mac and an ipad soon.
Maybe that is what I am looking for? A modern laptop man to meet my current needs and a slick ipad man for a bit of fun on the side? Perhaps I too will only stay in a relationship for the short term but then I will want a brand new one? Nah, I can relate to the fact that, similarly to laptops, relationships can start to feel dated, bogged down and well... dysfunctional after some time. But I have always been good to ex-partners and I don’t get bored or frustrated with the people that I care about easily. I gratefully came to the conclusion that although relationships can develop faults similar to that of an old bogged down laptop, I am ideally looking for someone I will not want to replace like an old piece of equipment.
Although James rather cynically compares relationships to inanimate electronic objects, he was fun-loving and witty. I rather enjoyed the evening.
Would I go out with him again?
Yes – under normal circumstances. We’ve kept in contact a little and I know that he awaits this post.
What do other people say?
Other people say that James sounds like one of my better dates but I should probably go out with someone who won’t trade me in for a new Mac.
Would I recommend him to a friend?
Yes

Date Planning 7.5
Rapport 8
Sweetness 7
This was date 15 in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my other dates.