Date 15: James – ‘Relationships are like laptops’

Who set me up this time?

Anna strikes again. She is the same friend who set me up on date 3.

What did I know about James

James works for a very large online retailer. He is a web developer. He is blond. He is very technical. Anna says that this time she has it sussed and James will be ideal for me.

First Impressions

We met in Shoreditch. James gave me a cool and confident greeting. He seemed like a chilled out character and he came across as very sure of himself. He told me that he thought we could go to a dim sum bar and get some dinner and a few drinks. He was very organised and well spoken. James did not have the looks that I usually go for. For some reason I normally find myself attracted to darker haired men. But I think it is stupid to focus too much on such a trivial superficial feature and decided to date my first blond.

What Happened

We went to the dimsum bar which was somewhere between Old Street and Liverpool Street Station. James asked me if the plan was OK or if there was something else I’d rather do. I told him that I love dim sum. It was nice of him to have come up with a plan but still ask me if there is something that I wanted to do. I was carrying heavy shopping bags and he insisted on helping me out. I thought that this was a sweet touch but he really didn’t have to.

The food was gorgeous. We had seafood, chilli sauce, pak choi and garlic. James ordered the garlic. Garlic is very tasty but famous for making your breath smell. I hoped that wasn’t a hint that I shouldn’t kiss him. Not That I would have anyway but that would just dent my old ego a bit.

We went through the normal small talk: films, music, holidays, universities etc. James was witty and opinionated throughout the date. I personally think that he might have been a little too opinionated but then I share that fault so it was all good. We had some good debates. I believe that I won these (then I am a bit biased), but James held his ground and made some very interesting points. Although on first impressions James did not seem my type, his sparkling conversation made me reconsider a little. 

Then we moved back towards my second to least favourite topic of conversation for a date. The worst topic is ex-partners and the second worst is reasons for why you are single. Luckily, James steered clear of exes but he did ask me why I am unattached. For a joke, I told him that it’s probably because I am too clingy and desperate. Or at least I hoped that he would take it as a joke. Instead his face dropped.  I corrected myself. I really think the reason that I am single is that I have not met the right person. I also think that it has been good for me to be single for some time. I had previously hopped from one serious, long-term relationship to another and it was good to be independent for a while.

I didn’t ask the cringe-worthy question back but James answered it anyway. And his answer was quite unexpected. Imagine my surprise when James compared women to laptops. “In my experience,” he says. “Relationships are just like laptops. When they are new, they are brilliant. They run well and fast and they make your life easier and more fun. But then they start to slow down, get bogged up with memory and all of a sudden they are sh*t. You buy extra storage, try to upgrade them to see if it will help, but it just doesn’t work. Your old laptop (relationship) is stuffy and you need a new and improved one to come along and rock your world again.” And that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part about what James said was that I can totally relate to it. My laptop is terribly slow these days and I am off to buy a mac and an ipad soon.

Maybe that is what I am looking for? A modern laptop man to meet my current needs and a slick ipad man for a bit of fun on the side? Perhaps I too will only stay in a relationship for the short term but then I will want a brand new one? Nah, I can relate to the fact that, similarly to laptops, relationships can start to feel dated, bogged down and well... dysfunctional after some time. But I have always been good to ex-partners and I don’t get bored or frustrated with the people that I care about easily. I gratefully came to the conclusion that although relationships can develop faults similar to that of an old bogged down laptop, I am ideally looking for someone I will not want to replace like an old piece of equipment.

Although James rather cynically compares relationships to inanimate electronic objects, he was fun-loving and witty. I rather enjoyed the evening.

Would I go out with him again?

Yes – under normal circumstances. We’ve kept in contact a little and I know that he awaits this post.

What do other people say?

Other people say that James sounds like one of my better dates but I should probably go out with someone who won’t trade me in for a new Mac.

Would I recommend him to a friend?

Yes

Date Planning 7.5

Rapport 8

Sweetness 7

This was date 15 in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my other dates.

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity

Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 

Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?

Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 
Martin’s Perspective

Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London

Date 9 Mark: Bowling and Politics

Who set me up this time

Kareena
I met Kareena in Brighton while I was studying at the University of Sussex. She was studying Economic Development at the institute of development studies. She now lives in Ghana working on projects to help improve education and internal trade in Ghana. Despite being abroad she managed to set me up with one of her friends from school.

What do I know about him

In Kareena’s own words, Mark is not suitable for me. She warned me that I might prefer someone who didnt smoke so much, drink so much etc. I told her that it doesn’t matter as long as he is game. The dating marathon is about variety. Plus it should be up to me to decide who I like. Having said that I was a little worried! Mark is working in a starter position for a big manufacturer. He has a degree in business.

First impressions

Mark seemed pretty nice. He gave me a little hug to say hello. He didn’t really give me much eye contact. I thought that that was a bit off. It made me feel self conscious like there might be some food on my face or perhaps I was just looking hideous. But Mark might have just been shy or distracted.

 What happened

 

Mark took me bowling. This was a bit different for me and I thought it was a great idea. Conversation in the bowling alley was normal small talk. It was pleasant. Sadly, I am terrible at bowling! I prefer it when you have the sides up and then you can bounce the ball off the edges. On a first date I was too embarrassed to make this suggestion. I must have lost a few balls but didn’t do too badly. Just as well really because I found myself desperately trying to compete with my date. But he still thrashed me.

Next we went to a Chinese buffet. I was still eager to beat Mark somehow so I got competitive about how well we could use chopsticks. I think that I won.

Over dinner I started to realise why Kareena did not think that Mark was suitable for me. He is incredibly cynical! Unfortunately Mark comes across like he’s one of those people who focuses a little too much on the negative side of life. He talked about the recession, corruption in Western society, racial political inequality and trade monopolies. It annoys me a little when people talk about corruption in wealthy countries such as Britain, Germany, America etc as if these are the only countries that have crooked governments. This division is just a bit simplistic. I told Mark this and then tried to change the subject but conversation got back on depressing political philosophy straight away.

 It is really important to question society and have strong ethical views. But I still think that Mark’s choice of topics was dark for a first date. As I sat there humming Bobby McFerrin in my head, I tried to end Mark's rant.

We started to talk about work. Oops I currently work for a trade leading retailer. Obviously Mark did not approve. At this moment I had to ask a pressing question, ‘Mark do you ever do cocaine?’ I have permission to publish his answer but I won't. All I will say is that, as with most illegal drugs, I highly doubt that any cocaine in the UK is guaranteed fair trade. Surely the cocaine trade is one of the most brutal industries on the planet? If you do cocaine then please do not lecture me on trade ethics. You sold yourself out on that one for a self-indulgent buzz. I offered this opinion to Mark. Next question "what make are your trainers?" The answer was Converse and Nike. At least at this point Mark was able to admit that he doesn’t practise what he preaches about trade and consumerism.

I guess we are hypocrites on one level or another. I agree with Mark that we should question the ethics of trade and bear in mind that some manufacturers and retailers exploit people and dominate markets. But then I don’t always live perfectly to these standards. I own the odd primark and H&M item! Perhaps I could do more on this subject but I really didn't appreciate the lecture on a first date!

Mark also made a few cynical comments about minority reservations in certain industries. Boo! Shut up!

I’m going to be brutally honest here. The impression I got is that Mark is an intelligent person who is slightly frustrated that although he has had the best starts in life (private schooling, first flat bought for him etc), he still doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. I think this might be why Mark lashes out at society so much. In his words, ‘It’s easy to be cynical about society when you're in the middle of a recession and you haven’t got a clue how to make a living". 

I much preferred the bowling part of the evening and the lighter parts of conversation we had over chinese food. I do genuinely like Mark but I am definitely looking for someone who comes across as more fun loving. I love the deep reflective side to Mark’s nature but I really think that this should be balanced out by some activism (to practise what you preach) and more focus on the great side of life! Both Mark and I agreed that our date was a fun experiment that we both reflected on, but we are not compatible.

Would I go out with him again?

Nope. We clashed.

What do other people say?

Sounds like we would have a few interesting debates but overall I suit someone who is more positive about life.

Would I recommend him to a friend?

Maybe! If he lightened up a little.

Date Planning 8

Rapport 4

Sweetness 5

This was date 9 of my dating marathon. The dare was to do 20. Click on the links below to read the rest of my dates:

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity

Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 

Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II

Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 
Martin’s Perspective

Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London