Showing posts with label dating tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating tips. Show all posts

Sunday, 29 January 2012

My 'Type'

I wrote this last August. It was published under Pages



What's a Type?

Apparently we all have a 'type'. 

I find it difficult to describe, but I have written a list of things which turn me on or off. Most things got on the list because I either admire people who have these qualities or detest people who don't have these qualities. Some reflect my interests. Other things are just plain fetish.




I like a man who:



1) is Intelligent - I don't see academia as the best measure of intelligence. I don’t care what qualifications or formal education they have. But they do have to come across as smart for me to find them sexy.
2) enjoys their food and is not a fussy eater
3) a great cook 
3) is not too vain or clean cut. 
4) has a great sense of humour
5) enjoys comedy – especially British comedy
5) has good friends of both gender
6) has ginger hair
7) is taller than me (I'm 5"4ish)
8) enjoys big holidays
9) enjoys action/outdoorsy stuff
10) is loyal to his partner/friends/family
11) is not very sexist (we are all a little bit)
12) is polite and friendly to waiting staff and sales people
13) is low on the fundamental attribution error
14) is relaxed around kids in hoodies (colloquially and often unfairly also known as 'chavs')
15) is open towards other cultures and generally relativist but has some solid values of their own
16) is not religious
17) is not a homophobe and has fairly relaxed views on gender
18) is a doer - I like a guy who organises stuff and is always up for new experiences.
19) works for their own keep
20) is hardworking and ambitious but not struggling with their work-life balance
21) has a Catholic background but is not actually Catholic! Not necessary but I like having this in common with people
22) is not snobby
23) has well thought out opinions on important things such as political/social issues and is able to hold his ground in an argument
24) has lots of hobbies and takes an interest in the world
25) follows the news
26) does not argue about money
27) plays sport or exercises 
28) gets excited about niche topics 
29) is domesticated
30) likes nature and is knowledgeable about the natural world
31) is down to earth
32) is happy to clown around sometimes
33) gets along with my friends
34) is good to his family - family oriented              
35) is an ugly musician            
36) has a good appetite
37) has a positive attitude to life and society
38) is about 28 years old. 23-33 is probably the suitable range
39) respects animals - not in a weird way, just has an appreciation for them
40) questions me
41) is not passive and can make decisions
42) is witty in conversation
43) is reliable in his word
44) is honest
45) is decisive
46) is dynamic 
47) is not afraid to say what he wants
48) is reflective
49) doesn't hate mainstream society
50) is not a social conformist. Has their own style and opinion
51) is kind and doesn't slag people off
52) is not vindictive
53) has a Scottish accent
54) tells good dirty jokes
55) is not a power tripper
56) is relatively thick skinned - not too sensitive
57) loves to try the finer things in life and will splash cash regularly but knows that there are more important things in life 
58) is not too babied by his parents
59) is not too green. knows how to survive in the city
60) is generous and enjoys treating others
61) is ambitious in an individualistic way rather than a pushy social climber
62) works in IT - why i don't know
63) is mysterious and quirky
64) is Interested in other cultures including mine
65) is inventive and thoughtful
66) lets themselves be treated by others
67) knows what they like romantically and sexually
68) knows what they want from a relationship.
69) does not have conservative, old fashioned family values and for example does not judge others for raising children out of wedlock
70) enjoys a good drink.
71) does not smoke
72) accepts that other people experiment with illegal drugs and does not judge them badly for it but has no drug habit of their own. i.e. alcohol is their drug
73) Makes things happen. Not a bailer
74) not looking to settle down but not anti-relationships either,
75) Listens and shows that they listen through thoughtful gestures
76) Not too much of a prissy boy although they can have some metrosexual behaviours
77) is not too shallow
78) does not hold shallow views about people because of their social, economic background or family status
79) is easy going not too intense
80) is not too much of a city dweller. Can survive in the sticks
81) flirts a lot
82) is competitive and loves themselves on one level, but self depreciating and makes jokes at their own expense on another
83) is great fun to hang out with
84) laughs a lot

This list might sound a bit strange in places. I have literally just thought about everybody who I have ever been interested in and everybody who has ever put me off.

People tell me that sticking to a type is limiting. They say that you should be open-minded. As part of the blind date exercise I will try to ignore having my 'type'. I am going to go with the flow with whoever my friends set me up with. Say yes to all dates and see what happens!



Saturday, 28 January 2012

Why are You Still Single? How to Answer the Question



Why are you still single?

The Dreaded Question

I decided to write a list of potential responses to this question (see below).

As famously demonstrated by Bridget Jones, the question 'why are you still single?' is both dreaded and resented by most single people. And yet James, Sam and Darren all asked me on our blind date. Even the most confident of singletons find this question a little annoying. It's just awkward. and with me it's even more annoying like, "You went on 20 blind dates, so why the hell are you still single?" 

Situational Factors?

Using my friends for research, I asked them for their excuses for being single. We gathered the following:

1) "I'm focusing on my career". Err.... but the prime minister and plenty of big CEOs managed to find a wife. Unless you're a monk or your job requires complete social isolation, I don't think that your career is quite that demanding.
2) "I don't meet new people in my day to day life." you don’t meet people? Whaaaat? 
3) "I want to go travelling. I'm a free spirit." Not a good enough excuse. Free spirits need to get laid too. And we all need love.
4) "I need some time to be single. I'm going through a lot right now". This will only work for a limited amount of time.
5) "I'm in love with someone I can't have” or "I wont make a move yet incase I lose her" Tragic. Move on.
 
We concluded thus: The answer is obvious so don’t be a douche and don't ask the question.
A person is single because they have 
(a) not found someone that they liked enough who 
(b) liked them back enough. 

The reason that this question is horrible is because part (a) makes you feel big-headed and picky while part (b) makes you feel like a reject.



Sadly I don’t think that people are going to stop asking the question. I was so determined to find a solution that, while at work, I put down my exhilarating marketing spreadsheet and went for a walk around the office asking people for the best way to answer why they don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I asked all the single people except the ones who I thought might report me to HR for inappropriate behaviour. The most common response I received was "go away!” This might be the perfect answer, but it could also just be an indication that I was just really irritating my colleagues. 
The “Humour Approach”?

A joke! My favourite method for combating social awkwardness! However, be warned... jokes can also be the source of social awkwardness!
With James I decided to try to make a joke about still being single and told him that I think that I am single because I am just too desperate and clingy! You should have seen his face drop! I don't think I shall be testing that particular joke again. Here are some other spoof responses that we collated. I hope you like them:
Q: “WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?!”...............
“Two is a crowd.”

“Why are you [Blond/Chinese/fat/other random attribute]?”
“Because I like wearing my pyjamas all weekend and eating nutella straight from the jar.” 

“Because my bedroom is the only place where I can get away from people.”
 “If I told you I’d have to kill you.”
“To make all the married people jealous.”
I’ve not met anyone good enough and that meets my intellectual standard to converse with in meaningful matters”.
“I want my cat to grow up in a stable environment.”
“Beckham is still married”
“Angelina ran off with Brad”
 “I never give away top secrets.”
 “Because I can’t walk well attached to the hip.”
“I prefer to see myself as “relationship challenged”
“Because I have a disability: commitment deficient disorder”
“Because I don’t want to spoil my sex life”
“You tell me?” Then burst out crying
“Why are you still not splitting up/getting divorced?”
“I’m not done boozing and whoring”
“Why are you still with that bitch/creep?”
“I’m waiting for your son/daughter to turn 18”
“So I don’t have to cheat on my hand” or “I prefer masturbation” (although be warned. See my POST on masturbation)
“I’m quite satisfied just having an affair with your wife/husband”
“Because the last time I had sex I laid back and thought of England”
“Because I have only one pick up line ‘why the long face?’”
“Because I have a five o’clock shadow, on my ass”
“Why are you still alive?”
“Because I’m an asshole / bitch.”
“Because I’m playing the field”
“I lack confidence” you might even get a sympathy shag out of this one
“No one likes/fancies me” this one too
“I’m not willing to give up on love yet”
And my personal favourite – “Because I wrote a dating blog”

 When all has been said and done though I really think there is only really one way to deal with this problem: Get a partner! Throw all standards out the window and just get with the first person in your grasp. Then you won’t need to answer the ‘single question’ anymore.
Also a boyfriend/girlfriend might even be the perfect disguise to cover what a social retard you are.



Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Date 11: Daniel – the DILF (pardon the phrase)

Who set me up this time
Emma
I know Emma from college. She was always easy to talk to and we have loosely stayed in contact via facebook. It just so happened that I bumped into Emma on the train back from date 9.  When she asked me what I’d been doing in London that day I hesitantly told her about my blog. Luckily for me she claimed that she knew the perfect man for date 11!


What do I know about him
Daniel was described to me as a really nice guy in his mid-twenties who has been single for a few years now. He has a young son who he spends a lot of time with. He has described himself as ‘commitment-phobic’ but says that this is partly down to his responsibilities as a parent. He has a good relationship with the mother of his son but they separated a while back. He studied mathematics at degree level and works for a well known bank.

First impressions
I told Daniel that I would happily meet him out and about but he insisted on picking me up. Not only that but he even came to my front door. Currently I am living with my family. As I was rushing out the door my 2 year old niece, who is normally very good with names, yells to me ‘Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!’ This was a bit awkward. I defensively said that I am her Auntie not her mother. Then I cringed as I remembered Daniel’s personal situation. Perhaps I would have come across a bit better if I had sounded less defensive as there’s nothing wrong with being a parent!
My first impression of Daniel was that he was great looking. Meeting a blind date at your front date could be invasive but Daniel was pretty gentlemanly and open and he came highly recommended so I didn't mind.
What happened
Daniel lives in my county so we decided to go to a local restaurant. We decided to visit a lovely little Thai restaurant by St Albans cathedral.
Conversation took the usual journey. We started on where we grew up, television, university and holidays. Naturally, we spoke about Daniel’s son quite a bit. 

Daniel was not as carefree as the average university student because his son was born half way through his degree. He is very mature and responsible in comparison to me! Several people will say that it is pretty daunting to date a single parent when you are childless and in your 20s. I would agree. I can only really imagine what it is like to be a young parent but as I live with my little niece, I can tell you that she is a lot of work! Children are obviously a blessing and bring a lot of joy; I am forever thinking of new lessons, stories and games to play with my little housemate. However, although children are a massive responsibility they will inevitably take up a lot of your date’s time and energy. I absolutely think that if you like each other enough then you will be willing to accept this but its not something I could accept casually.
I enjoyed chatting with Daniel. But I did not see much chemistry between us. While I was absorbed in the light and fun conversation I felt my bag vibrate. My new HTC was ringing.
My Dad got my HTC free for me and he had given me several warnings that there is a design fault with the model. It smashes fairly easily and you have to keep it padded and be really careful not to drop it. One day I discovered that putting sanitary towels in the compartment of my bag where I keep my mobile is a good way of insulating my apparently fragile phone. And this stops me being paranoid about it breaking. As I foraged for my mobile I did not realise that I had taken the sanitary towels out of my bag and was flapping them around over the dinner table. I noticed that Daniel was staring at me with awkward confusion. It suddenly dawned on me that, unfortunately, I was waving sanitary towels in my blind date’s face! Obviously sanitary towels have a good purpose in life but there is a time and a place for them. This was not it. I felt the need to explain myself. “I keep these in my bag because there’s a design fault with my phone!” I said. Daniel butted in half sarcastically, “are you telling me your phone has periods?!” This was a little embarrassing but it did at least cut the tension.
   
As you may have gathered from earlier posts, I am a bit of a bit of an irresponsible, commitment-phobic goof. For this reason I would always think twice before dating a single parent. But I am not totally opposed. I genuinely really enjoyed my time with Daniel. He is good looking, polite and easy to talk to. I admire the fact that Daniel takes parenthood as wholeheartedly as everyone ideally should. Daniel was mature and good humoured throughout the evening. I am happy that Emma recommended him!
We said a nice goodbye. He text me that it would be nice to see each other again and wished me good luck with the rest of the dates.

 Would I go out with him again?
Maybe. But I think we are more suited as friends.

 What do other people say?
Mixed responses. Most people say we sound like friendship material.

Would I recommend him to a friend?
Yes

Date Planning 7
Rapport 7
Sweetness 9
This was date 11 of my dating marathon. The dare was to do 20. Click on the links below to read the rest of my dates: