Who set me up this time?
K
I don’t actually know K very well! I met him through a networking and social club for people from my paternal land of origin, Goa. There are two main networking societies for young Goans in the UK. These are Fenny Fever and YLGS. These societies host events where Goans can connect with other Goans and bring a few non-Goan friends along for the ride. K is soft-natured with a random sense of humour and a passion for US thriller series Dexter. That is why we clicked.
What did I know about Dan?
He was sold to me by K as kind, good looking and fun. I have been told that he’s cool but not a player.
Dan got in touch by text message. I have to say that he is one of the naffest texters of my blind date marathon. In contrast to Date 12 who didn’t say enough, Dan said too much. He sort of rambled for a bit. Some texts were too long, disjointed and with several parentheses in brackets. This might sound like a minor, picky point but when you’re trying to initiate a rapport by text message, your date has nothing else to go by. So it is better to keep it witty and personalised, but also snappy and relevant. Try to exclude brackets and rambling! The texts improved with time.
First Impressions
A Stabbing
Before meeting Dan my friend and I witnessed a stabbing on Oxford Street. It was between some youths and apparently involved a gang dispute. Luckily this was the week after the 2011 riots, another rough moment for London, but it meant that there were ambulances and police all over Oxford Street and the paramedics dealt with the situation in time. Meeting Dan became a bit of a panic. As the police had shut the tube, I ended up 40mins or so late.
No Plan
We met outside Kings Cross station. I explained what had happened and apologised for lateness. Dan didn’t ask whether I was OK or not which I thought was a bit off. Maybe that’s just typical for a bloke but I would have asked! Despite that blip I was actually pleasantly surprised. Dan is pretty nice looking and seemed pretty cool. However, his next words were ‘so where are we going? What are we doing?’ I thought I had made it explicitly clear that he should organise the date but I guess we have another passive man here! Despite the fact that I generally prefer more dynamic men, I still thought that Dan was a lovely guy.
What Happened
Figuring out a plan
I made a decision that we should get on the next bus to Angel. Deep in conversation, we missed the stop and ended up by Old Street. Here, I had to make the decision to get a drink in the next pub and get a bus back to Angel for another. We ended up in Ladybug on Upper Street which is a bit nostalgic for me. However, it is also somewhat tacky and I made the decision to leave before purchasing and go to MISO instead for some food. Dan was pretty absent throughout the decision making process. If you know me you will know that I’d have preferred him to have more of an opinion but still be receptive.
Job Hopper
Dan was a good few years older than me. Conversation centred on jobs that Dan had done. It turned out that Dan was going through a bit of a careers dilemma. He was an official job hopper with a variety of experience but he didn’t feel like he was in a 'career' as such. In fact, he’d just quit his job and wanted to develop something deeper in food photography. He showed me a sample of his portfolio on his phone and they were excellent. He does have a talent there! Despite Dan’s many talents it was apparent that he was feeling down hearted and stressed out at being at the careers cross-roads again. What does this say to your date? I guess most women prefer someone who is confident, capable, secure and successful. Dan only came across as capable. It might sound harsh but these deep sort of conversations about your insecurities and life's frustrations may be a little too heavy for a first date. Perhaps they are better left for later on.One of the first questions i get asked about a date is what does he do for a living. I think this is a very important point because it influences financial mobility, personal availability, interests and social circles. I personally would find it difficult to date someone who did not feel passionate and driven in what they do.
Still, if you turn down a perfect match just because they do not have their career sorted, then you are an idiot. For one thing, it's a bit shallow. And also in the current recession you would also be forced to turn down a lot of great and smart people who will make great partners.
A Gentleman
Dan was very gentlemanly. He opened doors, bought me a drink. He had impeccable manners. He was considerate. He mentioned various friends and I happened to notice that he had several male and female friends. It's usually a good sign for me if a man has friends of both gender. Overall he was good company.
A Black Man in Waitrose?
Dan was very gentlemanly. He opened doors, bought me a drink. He had impeccable manners. He was considerate. He mentioned various friends and I happened to notice that he had several male and female friends. It's usually a good sign for me if a man has friends of both gender. Overall he was good company.
A Black Man in Waitrose?
We had a few interesting conversations about food, supermarkets and the grocer magazine. This might sound a little boring but liked it as it's my industry. I love a man who has an opinion, and a guy who can cook is incredibly sexy to me. And I love to eat! However, I also uncovered that Dan doesn’t travel and doesn’t really do holidays. He gave me a cold stare when I tried to discuss K and I’s culture. Dan also made this comment, ‘you’ll never see a black man in Waitrose. It’s far too much of a middle class thing.’ Does this suggest that Dan sees all 'Blacks' as working class? Statistically black British people earn less than white people and some ethnic minorities, but there are still a huge number of Black people in this country who are doctors, lawyers, MPs, well educated, affluent etc. Actually my manager is black and so is my GP and just from my personal experience I can think of a few black people who shop at Waitrose!! I pointed this out and Dan just shrugged and accepted that he was basing his comment on his dry humour and local area (Berkshire, I think). Fair enough! Still, it was clear that Dan was not very cosmopolitan and I find that sort of ignorance difficult to swallow.
Dan got the bill when I was in the loo! This was sweet of him. He didn’t have to, especially seeing as he had just quit his job, but it was appreciated.
Would I go out with him again?
I don’t think we are compatible. This was a shame because he is hot and can cook! But I dont think it would work. We are possibly friendship material but it’s not like he lives down the road. The chances are that I won’t see him ever again. Dan is also the only date who never contacted me again! So I guess he sees it the same way.
What do other people say?
“If we ended up talking about the Grocer and the food industry then this date must have been lame!”
Would I recommend him to a friend?
maybe
Date Planning 3 (he turned up on time)
Rapport 5.5
Sweetness 7
This was date 14 in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my other dates.
This was date 14 in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my other dates.
Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity
Date 2: Seb – A man in tights
Date 3: Alan - the softy
Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian
Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex
Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?
Date 7: Nick the Greek
Date 8: Brett – Poptart
Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics
Date 10: Martin – FAIL
Martin’s Perspective
Date 11: Daniel – DILF
Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent
Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?
Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call
Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You
Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon
Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand
Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...
Date 2: Seb – A man in tights
Date 3: Alan - the softy
Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian
Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex
Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?
Date 7: Nick the Greek
Date 8: Brett – Poptart
Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics
Date 10: Martin – FAIL
Martin’s Perspective
Date 11: Daniel – DILF
Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent
Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?
Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call
Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You
Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon
Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand
Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...
