My Relationship History

How on earth did you end up on a dating marathon?!

I have tried to avoid talking about my exes. It's a private subject and I haven't felt much like discussing it on the internet! But several people have asked me how I ended up on a 'dating marathon'. People assume that I must have a horrific dating past with a string of sad relationships behind me. It's not quite as dramatic as that! My relationship history is pretty average. 

The Relationship Hopper

I went from the age of 15 to 23 in a relationship. There was more than one relationship but there was very little gap in between them. This left me with a longing desire to experience the single life and to make decisions by myself without feeling obliged to accommodate a partner. So when I became single I enjoyed the feeling of freedom very much, and because of this I was completely closed off to the dating again. 

So how long have I been single?

Over a year of being single has passed, and people have stopped accepting the excuse that I just want to be by myself for a while. As well-meaning friends do, my friends have tried to set me up. At first I resisted, but then on a flight back to the UK after a really fun and varied holiday, my friend told me to just let it happen. 

After all the fun I'd had on holiday, I was dreading going back to my 9 to 5 job. So when Sneha dared me to let all my best friends set me up on a date and then write about my experiences, I snapped up the chance to do something out of the ordinary. It seemed like a fun social experiment.

So why are you still so reluctant to commit or are you just picky?

I think it is highly likely that one day in the future I will have a long term relationship again. I also can't imagine being old and not having any children. 

Obviously there are lots of perks to having someone to share your life with and to love. However, the time that I have spent being single has been significantly more fun and happier than the time that I spent in a relationship. That's not because I was miserable in both relationships (just one), it's actually that I am pretty happy with the status quo. Of course lots of people my age are settled with someone and happier for it. But several people that I see in their 20s and in a relationship, particularly those already in living with their partners, seem a bit boring. There behaviour and priorities seem weighed down with the burdens and complacency of married couples with children. Don't you have your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, & 80s (and even more if you're lucky) to be living the settled life? This makes me reluctant to commit at 20-something! 

On the other hand, I love a flirt. & I'm not uninterested in having a partner as long as it's casual in the sense that it's fun, there aren't too high expectations of longevity, and it adds something to my life rather than weighs me down. 

I don't think that I am picky. It's not that I don't like people. I've actually stayed friends with most of my dates. But I just can't fake being into someone romantically when I am not. 

Click the links below to read about my dating marathon :

The Blind Date Email:

Contact Details

My Type

Wait a minute Kelyn, what are you doing?

My Relationship History: The Relationship Hopper, Sex Addict, and Weapon of Masturbation

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity

Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 

Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I

Date 6.5 Charles – part II

Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 

Martin’s Perspective

Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail

Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops

Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London

Date 20: Devontay - Miss, If I were a few years younger, you’d definitely get it’

Felt like we were playing lights out

Who set me up this time

After setting me up on a date with a gay man in date 17: Brendan, Amar insisted on setting me up again. Determined to pimp me out with a little more success this time, Amar said that he would try to set me up with someone who fits the characteristics described on the my type page.

What did I know about Devontay

Devontay’s mother is British born Jamaican. His Dad was French but sadly passed away before he was born. He grew up in Maidstone. He is significantly older than me (35). He is a web architect. He works at the UK & Ireland head office for one of the largest internet corporations in the world.

I am slightly wary about the age difference. I am quite a young goof and I’m certainly not looking to settle down anytime soon. Ideally, I’d be with someone in their mid 20s. Still, the blind date marathon was about open mindedness.

First Impressions

Devon approached me with a text “Hi Holly, Amar told me about your 20 dates challenge. He said that I should get in contact. Apparently I  am ‘an out of touch nerd’ and that is what you have been looking for in a man? Haha... I hope Amar is joking about that one or else you will be disappointed. I’m actually pretty cool. Still, it would be lovely to meet for dinner and I look forward to hearing from you.”

I am not looking for an out of touch nerd! I like men to be deeply intelligent, individualistically creative and to have well thought out opinions about culture and society. An ‘in-touch’ nerd.

We met at Shoreditch station. He gave me a big warm hello and I liked him straight away.

What Happened

We walked to a Chinese restaurant. We soared through normal small talk such as where we grew up, favourite films etc. Throughout this conversation I was continually made aware of our generational differences. E.g. when mobile phones launched as a household item, I was just starting secondary school whereas Devon had already graduated. This added an interesting dimension to our conversation but felt a little weird.

As we are both from mixed ethnic backgrounds we shared a lot of similar experiences. Many people struggle to get their heads round the very simple concept that one side of my family are white skinned and the other dark skinned. Also people can very rarely see you as coming from both backgrounds and nearly always feel the need to categorise you as one or the other. Sharing stories about this issue had us cracking up with laughter. Devon also shared the same dislike of being fancied because of his race. We had an engaging conversation about women who ‘go for blacks because they’re black’ (you know you are)! Devon told me, “I think it’s partially down to the whole black man, big cock stereotype. That stereotype really puts pressure on a man. Women always expect me to be well endowed but I’m actually a bit on the small side sadly”. He said this straight-faced and with a vulnerable expression on his face and I thought he was deadly serious. I felt compelled to give him some reassurance, “Oh... it doesn’t really matter that much”. Nooooo! That's such an embarrassing thing to say. He laughed in my face as of course he was just winding me up (he's black so he's bound to be huge).

We had a few interests in common. We were both childhood fans of The Hobbit and eagerly await the film. And we both love Mario Puzo’s The Godfather Trilogy (who doesn't). We share a love of Levi Roots reggae reggae products. Devon is also a Clark Kent character. Nerdy glasses by day, contacts and debauchery by night. And we are both family oriented. This made conversation very easy and enjoyable.

Devon loves festivals and is also a frequent visitor of Fringe. When I told him that I shy away from festivals because I don’t like the idea of the shared toilets and showers, he laughed at me once again. “You are no tom boy. You’re a right girly prissy girl!” he claimed. This wound me up!

Then Devon mentioned that he feels like he is getting a little too old for festivals now. And once again I was reminded of his senior age. When talking about families, Devon revealed that he has a twin sister and because of her friends he boasted that he has always had a string of female admirers around him. This might describe his ease and confidence around women. He also had a younger sister aged 23 who he helped raise. Actually, he said it was strange to be on a date with me because I’m only a little bit older than that little sister.

It was a strange coincidence that Devon had quite a bit in common with Date 10 - Martin. They were in a similar industry, they grew up in the same town and out of all my dates they were two of the best. I also quite liked Date 15 - James. There appears to be a bit of a theme here. Perhaps I secretly like computer geeks?

However I concluded that although plenty of people have successful and fulfilling relationships with big age gaps, Devon and I were at far too different stages in our lives to be compatible in the long term. Nonetheless, I thought that Devon and I understood each other quite well. Or to quote how Devon jokingly, and rather presumptuously, put it “if I were about 7 years younger you’d definitely get it”. I thought that Devon was well mannered, fun, interesting and conscientious. However, the fact that he is hoping for a wife and kids in the next 5 years makes us completely incompatible. I'm far too immature!

What other people have said

Sounds like a big age gap but you shouldn’t let that be the only thing in your way. That’s not the only thing though.

Would I see him again as friends

He has been in contact quite a bit. He is very flirty but within boundaries. It's possible that i would see him again but it's probably best left alone!

Would I go on a date with him again?
Best not
Would I recommend him to a friend? 

Yes

Date Planning 7

Rapport 8

Sweetness 9

Date 20 was the FINAL DATE in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my 19 other dates.

The Blind Date Email:

Contact Details

My Type

Wait a minute Kelyn, what are you doing?

My Relationship History: The Relationship Hopper, Sex Addict, and Weapon of Masturbation

Date 1: A – Full frontal nudity
Date 2: Seb – A man in tights 


Date 3: Alan - the softy

Date 4: Christian – Hot Trinidadian

Date 5: Darren – Too into his ex

Date 6: Charles – Trainwreck part I
Date 6.5 Charles – part II
Wait a minute Kelyn, What are you doing?


Date 7: Nick the Greek

Date 8: Brett – Poptart

Date 9: Mark – Bowling and Politics

Date 10: Martin – FAIL 
Martin’s Perspective
Date 11: Daniel – DILF

Date 12: Crow – Chronic Bail
Date 13: Jubilee –French Accent

Date 14: Dan – A Black man in Waitrose?

Date 15: James – Relationships are like Laptops
Date 16: Cooper – The Booty Call

Date 17: Brendan – When a man Out-dresses You

Date18: Sam – The Reluctant Dragon

Date 19: Ami – My Lesbian One Night Stand

Date 20: Devontay – If I were a few years younger...  

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

Lessons Learnt - Conclusion

THE END - Epilogue

The Cupcake Flop Theory – yes this is about sex

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London