The Blind Date Marathon

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London

Tuesday 15 November 2011

Date 15: James – ‘Relationships are like laptops’

Who set me up this time?

Anna strikes again. She is the same friend who set me up on date 3.

What did I know about James

James works for a very large online retailer. He is a web developer. He is blond. He is very technical. Anna says that this time she has it sussed and James will be ideal for me.

First Impressions

We met in Shoreditch. James gave me a cool and confident greeting. He seemed like a chilled out character and he came across as very sure of himself. He told me that he thought we could go to a dim sum bar and get some dinner and a few drinks. He was very organised and well spoken. James did not have the looks that I usually go for. For some reason I normally find myself attracted to darker haired men. But I think it is stupid to focus too much on such a trivial superficial feature and decided to date my first blond.

What Happened

We went to the dimsum bar which was somewhere between Old Street and Liverpool Street Station. James asked me if the plan was OK or if there was something else I’d rather do. I told him that I love dim sum. It was nice of him to have come up with a plan but still ask me if there is something that I wanted to do. I was carrying heavy shopping bags and he insisted on helping me out. I thought that this was a sweet touch but he really didn’t have to.

The food was gorgeous. We had seafood, chilli sauce, pak choi and garlic. James ordered the garlic. Garlic is very tasty but famous for making your breath smell. I hoped that wasn’t a hint that I shouldn’t kiss him. Not That I would have anyway but that would just dent my old ego a bit.

We went through the normal small talk: films, music, holidays, universities etc. James was witty and opinionated throughout the date. I personally think that he might have been a little too opinionated but then I share that fault so it was all good. We had some good debates. I believe that I won these (then I am a bit biased), but James held his ground and made some very interesting points. Although on first impressions James did not seem my type, his sparkling conversation made me reconsider a little.

Then we moved back towards my second to least favourite topic of conversation for a date. The worst topic is ex-partners and the second worst is reasons for why you are single. Luckily, James steered clear of exes but he did ask me why I am unattached. For a joke, I told him that it’s probably because I am too clingy and desperate. Or at least I hoped that he would take it as a joke. Instead his face dropped. I corrected myself. I really think the reason that I am single is that I have not met the right person. I also think that it has been good for me to be single for some time. I had previously hopped from one serious, long-term relationship to another and it was good to be independent for a while.

I didn’t ask the cringe-worthy question back but James answered it anyway. And his answer was quite unexpected. Imagine my surprise when James compared women to laptops. “In my experience,” he says. “Relationships are just like laptops. When they are new, they are brilliant. They run well and fast and they make your life easier and more fun. But then they start to slow down, get bogged up with memory and all of a sudden they are sh*t. You buy extra storage, try to upgrade them to see if it will help, but it just doesn’t work. Your old laptop (relationship) is stuffy and you need a new and improved one to come along and rock your world again.” And that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part about what James said was that I can totally relate to it. My laptop is terribly slow these days and I am off to buy a mac and an ipad soon.

Maybe that is what I am looking for? A modern laptop man to meet my current needs and a slick ipad man for a bit of fun on the side? Perhaps I too will only stay in a relationship for the short term but then I will want a brand new one? Nah, I can relate to the fact that, similarly to laptops, relationships can start to feel dated, bogged down and well... dysfunctional after some time. But I have always been good to ex-partners and I don’t get bored or frustrated with the people that I care about easily. I gratefully came to the conclusion that although relationships can develop faults similar to that of an old bogged down laptop, I am ideally looking for someone I will not want to replace like an old piece of equipment.

Although James rather cynically compares relationships to inanimate electronic objects, he was fun-loving and witty. I rather enjoyed the evening.

Would I go out with him again?

Yes – under normal circumstances. We’ve kept in contact a little and I know that he awaits this post.

What do other people say?

Other people say that James sounds like one of my better dates but I should probably go out with someone who won’t trade me in for a new Mac.

Would I recommend him to a friend?

Yes

Date Planning 7.5

Rapport 8

Sweetness 7

This was date 15 in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my other dates.

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London

Friday 11 November 2011

Date 14: Dan - A Black Man in Waitrose?!

Who set me up this time?

I don’t actually know K very well! I met him through a networking and social club for people from my paternal land of origin, Goa. There are two main networking societies for young Goans in the UK. These are Fenny Fever and YLGS. These societies host events where Goans can connect with other Goans and bring a few non-Goan friends along for the ride. K is soft-natured with a random sense of humour and a passion for US thriller series Dexter. That is why we clicked.

What did I know about Dan?

He was sold to me by K as kind, good looking and fun. I have been told that he’s cool but not a player.

Dan got in touch by text message. I have to say that he is one of the naffest texters of my blind date marathon. In contrast to Date 12 who didn’t say enough, Dan said too much. He sort of rambled for a bit. Some texts were too long, disjointed and with several parentheses in brackets. This might sound like a minor, picky point but when you’re trying to initiate a rapport by text message, your date has nothing else to go by. So it is better to keep it witty and personalised, but also snappy and relevant. Try to exclude brackets and rambling! The texts improved with time.

First Impressions

A Stabbing

Before meeting Dan my friend and I witnessed a stabbing on Oxford Street. It was between some youths and apparently involved a gang dispute. Luckily this was the week after the 2011 riots, another rough moment for London, but it meant that there were ambulances and police all over Oxford Street and the paramedics dealt with the situation in time. Meeting Dan became a bit of a panic. As the police had shut the tube, I ended up 40mins or so late.

No Plan

We met outside Kings Cross station. I explained what had happened and apologised for lateness. Dan didn’t ask whether I was OK or not which I thought was a bit off. Maybe that’s just typical for a bloke but I would have asked! Despite that blip I was actually pleasantly surprised. Dan is pretty nice looking and seemed pretty cool. However, his next words were ‘so where are we going? What are we doing?’ I thought I had made it explicitly clear that he should organise the date but I guess we have another passive man here! Despite the fact that I generally prefer more dynamic men, I still thought that Dan was a lovely guy.

What Happened

Figuring out a plan

I made a decision that we should get on the next bus to Angel. Deep in conversation, we missed the stop and ended up by Old Street. Here, I had to make the decision to get a drink in the next pub and get a bus back to Angel for another. We ended up in Ladybug on Upper Street which is a bit nostalgic for me. However, it is also somewhat tacky and I made the decision to leave before purchasing and go to MISO instead for some food. Dan was pretty absent throughout the decision making process. If you know me you will know that I’d have preferred him to have more of an opinion but still be receptive.

Job Hopper

Dan was a good few years older than me. Conversation centred on jobs that Dan had done. It turned out that Dan was going through a bit of a careers dilemma. He was an official job hopper with a variety of experience but he didn’t feel like he was in a 'career' as such. In fact, he’d just quit his job and wanted to develop something deeper in food photography. He showed me a sample of his portfolio on his phone and they were excellent. He does have a talent there! Despite Dan’s many talents it was apparent that he was feeling down hearted and stressed out at being at the careers cross-roads again. What does this say to your date? I guess most women prefer someone who is confident, capable, secure and successful. Dan only came across as capable. It might sound harsh but these deep sort of conversations about your insecurities and life's frustrations may be a little too heavy for a first date. Perhaps they are better left for later on.

One of the first questions i get asked about a date is what does he do for a living. I think this is a very important point because it influences financial mobility, personal availability, interests and social circles. I personally would find it difficult to date someone who did not feel passionate and driven in what they do.

Still, if you turn down a perfect match just because they do not have their career sorted, then you are an idiot. For one thing, it's a bit shallow. And also in the current recession you would also be forced to turn down a lot of great and smart people who will make great partners.

A Gentleman

Dan was very gentlemanly. He opened doors, bought me a drink. He had impeccable manners. He was considerate. He mentioned various friends and I happened to notice that he had several male and female friends. It's usually a good sign for me if a man has friends of both gender. Overall he was good company.

A Black Man in Waitrose?

We had a few interesting conversations about food, supermarkets and the grocer magazine. This might sound a little boring but liked it as it's my industry. I love a man who has an opinion, and a guy who can cook is incredibly sexy to me. And I love to eat! However, I also uncovered that Dan doesn’t travel and doesn’t really do holidays. He gave me a cold stare when I tried to discuss K and I’s culture. Dan also made this comment, ‘you’ll never see a black man in Waitrose. It’s far too much of a middle class thing.’ Does this suggest that Dan sees all 'Blacks' as working class? Statistically black British people earn less than white people and some ethnic minorities, but there are still a huge number of Black people in this country who are doctors, lawyers, MPs, well educated, affluent etc. Actually my manager is black and so is my GP and just from my personal experience I can think of a few black people who shop at Waitrose!! I pointed this out and Dan just shrugged and accepted that he was basing his comment on his dry humour and local area (Berkshire, I think). Fair enough! Still, it was clear that Dan was not very cosmopolitan and I find that sort of ignorance difficult to swallow.

Dan got the bill when I was in the loo! This was sweet of him. He didn’t have to, especially seeing as he had just quit his job, but it was appreciated.

Would I go out with him again?

I don’t think we are compatible. This was a shame because he is hot and can cook! But I dont think it would work. We are possibly friendship material but it’s not like he lives down the road. The chances are that I won’t see him ever again. Dan is also the only date who never contacted me again! So I guess he sees it the same way.

What do other people say?

“If we ended up talking about the Grocer and the food industry then this date must have been lame!”

Would I recommend him to a friend?

maybe

Date Planning 3 (he turned up on time)

Rapport 5.5

Sweetness 7

This was date 14 in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my other dates.

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?

The Geeky Part – The Results Table

Who have I stayed in touch with?

Why are you still single? How to answer the question

Best places to go on a date - London

Saturday 5 November 2011

Date 13: Jubilee – (in a French accent)

Who set me up this time

This date was set up by Rahul#2. He has exactly the same name as Rahul#1 (who set me up for Date 6). I met both Rahuls at university. Rahul#2 was the type of guy who knew everybody’s name. He was exceptionally friendly and a fun person to be around. He is a top bloke and I am glad he managed to set me up on a date.

What do I know about him

Jubilee is from Paris. Rahul#2 met him when they were both working together in a bank. Jubilee still works for this bank. He asked me not to use his real name for my blog (he is not called Jubilee). He was described to me as a nice, friendly guy. He has been living in the UK for a year or so and his English is really good but not perfect.

First impressions

On the journey to meet Jubilee I had a weird tube incident. I am sure many women and possibly a lot of guys know that you can have some very strange unwanted encounters on the London underground. In London we have a social custom where unless it is to say 'excuse me please', you must not talk to anyone you don’t know or even look them in the eye on the tube. You are supposed to travel the tube in silence in your own little bubble. However, some strange individuals who I imagine are starved of social and physical contact will try and interact with you. In my personal experience this includes accidently on purposely groping you, singing 'flying without wings' in your face, gyrating against you, and breathing heavily in your face. On the journey to meet Jubilee a Romanian man decided to take photos of me with his camera phone. I tried to ignore him but someone else didn’t. A woman yelled at me, "tell him to stop!" A man shouted out "stop taking photos of her mate. You can see she doesn’t like it." To which the Romanian man responded, ‘I’m taking photos of myself. To see how ugly I am." The man with the camera phone got closer and closer until he was touching me. As another man grabbed him off me I ran off the carriage to meet Jubilee in Covent Garden

I greeted jubilee by saying, “Hi, It’s nice to meet you. I’ve just been harassed by a man on the tube and I feel really grossed out!” Jubilee was not expecting this. He gave me the impression that he is a shy character who found my introduction a bit weird.

What Happened

Another man playing the culture card! Mauritian-French man Jubilee invited me to eat some French cakes and tea. The cakes were tasty. We spoke about how Jubilee feels about London as a foreigner/migrant. He said that coming to live here in the UK has been a great cultural experience for him. He said that he likes the social life of the city and is not sure if he will move back to Paris. Jubilee has a “foreign” way of expressing himself sometimes. There were occasions when I was not entirely sure what he meant. It was like he was translating a French phrase into English that didn’t quite fit. I enjoyed this as it made a change from the cliche date conversations. I also discovered that the French accent is pretty hot sometimes. I love the way he pronounced “the Jubilee line”. I loved it so much that that's how I chose his nickname.

Amusingly, I misheard Jubilee for the worst a couple of times. For example, when discussing whether he would like to work from home or not he said that ‘human contact is obviously very important and I like getting that from the office’. In my ears this sounded a lot like ‘women contact is obviously very important and I like getting that from the office’ Luckily I questioned him!

We went for a drink after the French cakes. My impression of Jubilee at this point was that he was very sweet, had a cute accent and was quite a serious personality. He came across as the type of person who likes to follow the rules! This made me think that he was not compatible with me as I think that I am a little too scandalous for him. However, he is sweet, intelligent, stable and funny and over drinks I started wishing that I could set him up with my French friend Lauren. This bright idea slowly faded away as when I ordered a cocktail Jubilee admitted that he does not really drink alcohol. Jubilee ordered a martini and I laugingly warned him that it would come in a very girly glass. I dont think he minded too much but he did seem a tiny bit embarrassed.

The girl I would have set Jubilee up with drinks a sweet amount of alcohol and although she has never said this herself, I think that she’d be better off with someone less controlled than Jubilee. Towards the end of the evening I started to think that Jubilee is a very good boy! This made me want to press him a little (that means question, not anything crude). So I asked him about his drug habits and got him to rate cocaine, caffeine, alcohol, cannabis and ecstasy in order of preference. By the way, I don’t dabble in illegal substances either but I just thought it would be funny to ask! Caffeine won. He doesn't do anything else and good for him.

Jubilee text me to see that I got home safely which was gentlemanly as I have a long dark journey home.

Would I go out with him again?

A few weeks after our date and after a bit of to and forth, I emailed Jubilee “In short summary, after our date I decided that you seemed a very nice and cultured person. But we are two different characters! You seem to be less of a joker than me. And I did not see us as compatible. I assume you felt the same way. But it was still great to meet you and thanks for the cake! Let me know if you would like to see the blog once it is up”. He responded that he actually is a joker but understands why he didn’t give that impression on our date.

He also wanted me to include what he concluded about me:

“Finally, if you want to know what I think about you, i will say cool. And I got the feeling that you are a bit crazy but don't get me wrong it's totally positive, like in a funny way. I would say brave, responsible, trying to make things better if they are wrong, I guess you have a bit of craziness (like having fun), and also very nice.”

I wonder if I gave him the impression that I’m a druggie? Jubilee invited me to a party near French friend Lauren’s house and I would have considered going but I wasnt in town. I’d see him again in a group, as friends! It would be interesting to see if he really is as composed as I thought!

What do other people say?

They want to hear him say Jubilee.

Would I recommend him to a friend?

Yes

Date Planning 6 (we wandered to find a bar)

Rapport 7

Sweetness 9

This was date 13 in my dating marathon. Click the links below to read about my other dates.

Am I too easy or too fussy?

Follow in my footsteps – why go on a blind date marathon?